lonely preschool 5

lonely preschool 5

on the first day of... preschool...

five, a tiny car came to a tiny, attached house, in new york city. the lil brat wore a blue backbag and sport shoes with blue laces. he stood by the window until he saw the tiny car stop by his home. he ran to the car and saw 2 bigger brats. one sat in the back row and one in the front row near the driver lady. "get in" ordered the big boy probably age seven sitting by the door. so the lil brat climbed over him to the place behind the driver.

"seat belt" ordered driver lady. the obedient child clicked the belt together. the radio played old outdated "classic" music of some orchestra. boring. the car arrived at a building of a jew prayer place called shul. it had two rows of classrooms that were rented to a religious private school. the child age four entered the hallway and saw a pay phone. he turned down the hallway and searched each door for the clue. "nursery" and 4, until he found the door with a sign "pre1", so he entered. 

the room was almost completely empty. two kids were by side windows looking out probly watching the row of cars unload brats. the child named tal looked around the empty room its rows of desks. in the back were two long shelves with toys so tal went and looked for a toy. most were just odd and no cars. he found brown wood logs that could attach and started building. behind him more brats entered and took seats. they talked together until the rabbi entered.

rabbi commanded that everyone open book, but he said siddur that was the name of the jew prayer book with hundreds of pages full of hebrew words. tal put his log house on the shelf and slid the box to the wall on the tiled flor under the shelf. he went to find an empty chair. he sat in the second row kuz that was available.

the brats opened the siddur book and started chanting hebrew words... in new york because hebrew was always used by jews for generations for prayers. tal opened his book and turned pages passing the list of contents to the first page of prayers. the words that THEY started were not the words he saw on page 1. they had skipped. that was stupid.

he searched the page for those words but the words that he recognized were not there. the rabbi had left the room trusting the boys would read prayers... so tal could not ask where nor why they skipped. at first, he wanted to mimic, so he walked to the kid beside him and looked for the page number. the brat guessed what the "new kid" wanted and covered the number and corner with his hand. tal turned and the mean b-rats, nearby all had their hands on the corner covering the page number.

so tal started reading the hebrew on page 1. line by line that the brats had skipd. after a few lines he realized if they skipd he shud not be different. he did not know which page they did start reading.

to fill time, and "catch up" he only read the top line of each page... page after page. by page twenty he was too bored, so he chose to remember how he came to this preschool 5.

the previous year he had been 3 years old. in the afternoon recess a girl would meet him with one of her books that she brought from home. tal read the words to her and when she asked what a word meant he explained the word. she shared her cookies with him and on each page, she added to the story. that was interesting but now tal was bored.

one fateful day a teacher noticed the couple sitting in the empty classroom during recess and listened to him read to her. mrs. asked in a tone of horror "are you reading to her" the girl answerd, "my boyfriend reads to me every day".

the lady who was the manager of the preschool said that she felt he belonged in preschool 5 instead of preschool 3. tal complained that the teacher of five had been mean to him. lady left and the kids listened to the stories from each other.

that day when parents came to bring their kids home tal waited as usual in the classroom. he carried his yellow backbag that the manager had given "in the beginning of the year." when ma came to get tal, manager lady called both into the office. mrs. told ma that she recomended i jump to 5 and she should choose a school. i will skip the insulting dialog but mrs. gave ma the letter of recommendation.

tal started tutoring to learn reading hebrew. letters and words... in a month he passed the entrance exam for the school. that is how he got to preschool five.

now in pre1, he missed the girls who had always been friendly. the girl he sat with when he was two who kissed his cheek every day. the girl he sat with at recess when he was three who hugged him every day until he broke her heart and said he would marry a different girl. which had scared both the blond girlfrend and the dark haired wife away... allowing the girl with the crush to invite him to read her book. the reading which led to the early entrance to preschool five. however this school was only boys no nice girls like preschool three... only brats who hid the number of the page so he would be "left out" separate. if they had started from page one that would not have affected him, but the stupid school had trained them to skip apparently in preschool 4, which tal had skipped due to his "very superior" ability not to boast but the cause of the story.

to pass the time he recalled the stories that his fourth wife had added to the book. they were wonderful stories of love and emotion and fast horses... and soaring birds and soaring unicorns, and loveable princesses with fancy dresses and handsome princes that "looked just like you"... the pleasant memories passed the time until the rabbi returned.

tal carried his book to the rabi and asked "please mark which pages to skip" the rabbi lied "at this school we dont skip pages! read every page" the brat argued "i saw them skip pages several times when they turned pages. they certainly did not start modeh" tal showed on page 1. so the rabbi took a pen and marked one on the starting page, not page 1. on the line before the skip, he wrote the page number to skip to, um to which to skip?

after prayers they chanted bible in hebrew engish and yiddish which i will not tell about now but already wrote about the argument wih the rabbi. recess came. the bell rang the brats ran out... like the clock struck one the rats ran down, the brats ran out.

tal followed them along the corridor and out to the paved playground. the brats were arguing who would be the chaser for the game called tag. nobody wanted to be the chaser so tal offered he would chase them.

the brats scattered and stood at a distance. tal charged toward one who stood until tal neared then dodged and ran to the side and away. the brat was faster than tal so he soon stopped and rested as tal followed. when tal neared he said "dont pick only on me chase other kids." tal did not fall for the trick and ran to tag but the brat dodged and ran fast back... to an empty area! the other kids had vanished. "game over" said the brat who stopd and let tal tag him. "your it" announced tal. he shrugged "fine run." so tal ran a few steps away and stopped because the brat was not chasing him. none of the kids he knew from class were nearby they had played hide and seek but the game had started tag and instead they were hiding.

tal wandered around the play area and saw the younger brats his own age in preschool 4 playing tag and the toddlers in nursery playing ball. the kids in his class were hiding so tal returned to the empty classroom and soaked in his memories of lost wives.

the next day, tal went to find his log house to continue the story he had started imagining, but it was not there. he looked from toy to toy, but nothing was tempting so he searched for cars but know tiny cars to play with. the rabbi entered and saw tal by the rows of toys and shouted, "get away from nursey toys you are sposed to be bigger than nursery. those are nursery toys!" he was right they were not fun for his age anyway. 

as rabbi left, tal went to his seat but a brat was sitting there.so he sat at an available desk, but each kid that came in said "hey i sat their yesterday! you cant take my place!" which tal had not thought of saying to the brat who stole his place. so he went back to his own place in the second row and said the same thing he heard "i sat here yesterday." 

the kid and the brats around chorusd "no you didnt".

tal looked for the teacher to punish the liars but had left as usual. when rabbi out, he cant stop me from playing with the toys so tal went to the rows of toys and searched carefully what was in each box. puzzles and blocks and stuffed animals. and games for competitors nothing useful. so he used the time to look at each one as the brats chanted.

when he finished looking at the boring toys he realized that one seat must be empty wherever the thief had sat yesterday so tal went to that seat. the brats were chanting but the brat beside him said "you cant sit there that is meyer seat he sat their yesterday." tal lied "we traded" and sat down.

the brats continued chanting and tal opened his book. he could not find the page with the mark! gasp.

he seached page by page until finding the start mark. again he only read one line per page, to chase them, since the brats had read so much more while he had been looking at toys due to his stolen desk.

he read one line and then the top line of the next page and of the next until the number to skip.

he turned pages past rows of big words and smaller words. he wondered why they were different sizes maybe big meant more important? but if so they were skipping the important parts. he reached the page number and read the top line of that page and the top line of each of the following pages. page after page... it must have been twenty pages each page the top line. page after page... tal felt horror he must have turned fifty pages not including the twenty that the rabbis instructed to skip.

the brats were standing silently swaying. tal continued only the top line until he reached the page with the pen word "stand."  he stood and read just the top line of each page. finally around page 105 he saw the number... so skipped from there to the number and waited. the kids chanted that page and for the first time he was on the same page as them, reading with the class... but they chanted faster than tal could read. he could read heberew but not as fast so he simply did the same solution to read only the top line.

when the rabi entered the brat who took tals desk ran to tal and complained, "he stole my seat." rabbi said "dont you know stealing is bad." tal argued "if so punish him he stole mine". the brats shouted "no he didnt" before tal could end his sentence " why i sat here." rabbi "no recess for you. stay in the classroom". no loss he had planned to do that anyway due to the brats hiding during recess to exclude the new kid. between prayer and study, the nursery teacher entered with her class. each toddler took one box and carried it out until the shelves were empty. no loss i had already seen each box and none looked fun anyway or was that sour grapes? if i cant have it, i say it is sour.

luckily i could escape to the memories of my first four wives... wifey 1, the dark skinned girl who looked like she was from spain due to her syrup-on pancake colored skin. the blond haired girl who wanted to hug him and doubted he was a boy. the kind girl who had traded pillows because she had seen tal not using his pillow. and who had saved him when the teacher of five accused him of stealing her pillow. wifey four with books to read n added to the story.

that is how tal passed the boring days of religious books day after day during religious bible class and during recess when i did not bother to leave the classroom anyway... until the fateful day in first grade.

it must have been december of the year 1980.

the rabbi with an orinj beard stained around the mouth by smoke... years of smoking... told the story of abraham. the bible had many stories about abraham but all ten chapters 12-22 were very boring and poorly written as tal had tried reading in english.

they were far worse than the books he had read... to wifey four in preschool 3.

this story had something shocking. gasp!

the "holy" and "righteous" abraham was sending his servant to find a wife for his son. he told the slave to swear. the rabbi asked "how can you swear if there is no holy book" one brat guessed "abraham WROTE a holy book" meaning his story added later in the bible. he could put his hand on and say the swearing oath. rabbi argued "abraham did not write any book" brat argued "of course he did! how else do we know abrahams story? unless abraham wrote his story." rabbi said "moses wrote it and the stories before abraham" if so rabbi added, no book to swear on.

rabbi explained when abraham said "put you hand under my thigh" he meant the holy circumcision not only the moment of custom is holy, but the place is holy so the sevant touched his holy circumcision and swore the oath... tal felt this was evil. he knew he was not allowed to touch people's "forbidden place", but he lacked the words to say abraham was evil and bad. 

tal wanted to put the idea into words but could not so he made a plan. if i say "what do you call abraham for saying touch my forbidden place the kids will lie "abraham was holy.' if i say what do yu call me if i touch your place... i would get the answer... and a bad reputation. the solution was to cause someone to respond to ME about abraham before they could change that abraham was holy. so i went at recess when kids were busy so not thinking. i found a brat who was big like fifth grade and grabbed his elbow so he would be mad "let go i am playing tag".

i quoted in hebrew the words of abraham "sim na yadka tahat yrayki" the brat was furious "you pervert" get away pervert. i was ready with my defense... (not defence that means to destroy a fence and defence the place), "i was just quoting holy abraham he was not a pervert... was he?" the kids were in shock as they assembled the equation. gasp.

the brightest kid in school recovered first "abraham was not a pervert but YOU are" the brats started chanting "you are a pervert" and i had my information so i went to look for a dictionary. nobody would want to be my friend but... what did i lose nobody included me in games until then even before this excuse.

i went to the school office and asked if they had a dictionary the teacher said "dont look up dirty words which word do you want" i said whats a pervert so she opened the page and read "pervert someone who gets pleasure from strange..." she stopped and shouted "wait you cant know that" she shut the book but she had said enough. strange that was the meaning.

i was labeld that was the kid who asked to get touched! sicko pervert and i said "i am as holy as abraham". i was labelled the kid who caused fifth graders and sixth graders to leave religion "it is your fault they switched to public school and stopped following the holy bible". all i did was attach two ideas that they already knew, being strange in the forbidden place is bad and abraham did exactly that so people should leave that evil bible. i would have zero friends but i had not lost any. instead i was the center of attention that led to three new relationships.

once i was noticed, a fifth grader looked for me at recess he found me alone in the classroom and said "you cant just sit here alone just kuz we call you pervert". i explained from the first day i was excluded even before i said that phrase. he said "that is still no excuse to ask someone to touch you." i was just quoting hebrew i did not say "me" the kid said you should play ball. i argued nobody to throw it to, so he said he would teach me a game i could use the ball alone but only if i practiced in my home if so he would play checkers with me every morning but i had to promise not to ask anybody to touch me and if anybody did touch the forbidden place i must tell him so he could save me. i promised so he gave me his ball and taught me the game.

start easy. throw the ball gently at the wall and try to catch it. "you need to practice like this". he threw the ball gently and caught it seven times. next throw six but it must bounce once when catch. he did six then five while it bounces turn a spin n try to catch. so i threw his big green ball between two windows and practiced missing chasing catching until i succeeded seven times then the bounce and i missed chased the ball and threw until i succeeded then i tried to spin and despite learning first two skills in a feew tries, this turn i kept failing to catch because of the spin. so he suggested "further from the wall" then i succeeded. he left i practiced until the end of recess i gave his ball back. 

i went to class where the brats chanted hebrew and english while i remembered my wives and the books and the added stories.

the ending is sad.

despite the fifth grader not named five-l=yiddish name like the mouse in "no cats in america" feivel, keeping his promise to play checkers... that was not a real friendship kuz only secret. he needed somebody to play checkers... so he came to my classroom signald me to come and i followed him to the secret place in the prayer building.  we played tiny magnet checker game while the rabbis were not watching the brats read prayers. 

each day he "obeyed a list of game starts" to start each game different combinations. he wanted to see how i responded. while the brats read prayers i played checkers with a secret "friend" not a real friend kuz secret and only during prayers, no other meeting so nobody would suspect. also two gay boys from preschool four who said i was brave to be like holy abraham. they were like holy abraham to each other and invited me to join the abraham club... when we took turns acting like abraham while the others acted the part of the servant. i warned them i would not be the servant to touch their holy place but they agreed i could be permanent abraham if no clothing between. so once a month we would have a secret abraham club meeting which led to one of them telling his sister about me and her wanting to try "what parents do", when i was in first grade which she liked and wanted to repeat... that is scary in hindsight but at the time it was pleasant both in the club and on saturday afternoon when my parents sent me to flower group and i would go to her home instead to repeat the forbidden pleasure that she wanted repeated... but only for a few months as she grew tall faster than i did and one week said dont come any more... so no more first grade intimacy i had to wait until second grade and third grade for more wives all these "friends" were secret so no friendship so nobody would suspect that we secretly met for abraham club nor that we secretly replaced prayers with a game so we were not really friends but at least in the morning while the brats read around ninety boring pages i had a new combination of checkers options day after day after day.

but the ending is sad... not just because i could not have friendship with my three secret buddies two younger and one older none in my class 1 nor my age in pre1 either... but because of the ball story.

when i came home from school i always went to the home of the rabbi because my parents worked "nine to five" plus travel time getting home at six pm while i finished school 4pm arriving home at 4.30 with no supervision so i went to the rabbi's home because his job was less hours per day and he could prepare his lessons at home.

at the rabbis home i could watch tv but i will not switch topics. now i tell about the ball. i asked if they had a ball to play with. "who would you play with?" asked mrs rabbi. i explained i learned a game to play alone. she said "you can use the ball but it is not a gift." i went outdoors and throw the ball against the wall and practiced the game. much practicing until my parents came to bring me home. for dinner at normal time 6.30pm.

ma accused me of stealing the ball you must give it back and never steal again" i argued i had permission and ma said "dont lie and dont argue" rotten parents just kuz THEY stole did not mean i mimicd them. each day after school i practiced. when i asked my parents to buy me a ball the typical stingy jews were too stingy.

they said you will lose it anyway and made a situation to prove it. gasp! one sunday when pa did not work, he gave me a tiny red rubber ball. he said "dont lose this", so i said we should play in the paved section, but he insisted we play by the steps of the door. can you guess what he planned? he threw the ball at the steps it bounced back and he caught it. "now you do it." i threw it at the steps and as the jerk planned i failed to catch the tiny ball... that is why he choose the steps! it bounced past me and rolled down the street... "i told you! you would lose it. this is why we cant buy you a ball"

i argued "you chose the place it is your fault" 

"where else would you play without steps?"

"in the paved yard"

"for arguing with me no supper for you"

typical jews... the end.