i had a scary dream the first scary dream in a long time. i felt fear. in the dream i lived in a tinny student apartment. scary! not. i heard a knock on the door and asked who is there? a girl's voice said we are selling cookies. so cute! i checked if i had money and opened the door planning to buy one box of cookies just kuz they were lil girls... as i opened the door the timy bodies of three six year olds squeezed between the door and the frame and were inside. they had lied no cookies the oldest said hi my name is gertie. [the two girls giggled girtle girty, but that joke was not in the dream i add the word pair now] then another said my name is garriet i am six and speak russian and she is seven. the third looked at me and said "i cant talk to strangers". then gerty said she is galya age six and we are all escaping our parents they said "if you live in our house so you must do our rules and the rules are not fair so wont live in their house." garyet added we will live here and follow YOUR RULES because you are fair. in the dream i recognized one of the girls and had a dream memory that i knew her parents. they siad when they left for school they decided not to go home to their bossy parents but they knew i was fair and nice and would not have stupid rules.
girty then walked to my wooden shelves painted white and searched the games i had look he has games and i felt fear i would certainly go to prison for kidnapping three girls who would believe me that they came willingly and that i had not touched them... i was so scared that i awoke... and realized that i did not know their parents it had only been part of the scary dream.
the fear of accusation brought the memory from preschool 3 when brats lied to a teacher taht i stole a pillow and she believed them.
when the "victim" insisted that she gave it to me teacher lied that she had been threatened and bullied and the girl started crying luckily principal entered and asked why are you crying. girly age 3 same as me said "kuz she wont believe me" but at the same time 3 boy brats shouted "kuz HE stole her pillow" at the same time teacher of preschool 5 who had already made trouble for me about the cubby for my jacket and yellow backbag, grabbed her pillow from my hands and said "aha it is her pillow".
she showed the name to the principal the name was not evvans. the principal told the girl she should whisper the story in her ear to say what happened. principal privvin crouched so the three year old could whisper in her ear. i stood in horror accused by loud brats and the monster of preschool five... principal announced, "mrs. jameson [not her real name] you cant accuse people like that!" mrs. monster argued with the principal look "i was right th epillow has her name." privvin explained "she gave it to him." m.m. argued she cant give kuz she is three! i interjected "it was just for nap time not to keep." privvin said "when girls give permission they are too little" a reference to intimacy but i was baffled. i argued "we all share snacks." "dont argue!" the adults burst in frustration. m.m. said "look he has no pillow that is why he stole hers."
privvil was silent and miss evvans age 3 wiped her tears and announced said "we can accuse YOU." finally the adults left and i said to miss evinz "tammy [not her real name] i really feel happy that you cared enough to switch your pillow. when we get older i will wed you." the boy brats laughed. tammy hurried away apparently terrified by that idea and then new trauma... my girl friend had heard me say that...
she started crying "but i thought you love me."
she referd to the previous two months when we had talked almost every recess and hugged... how could i offer wedding to a different girl. i was horrified by her response. "we can be lovers until then" it did not help and both girls avoided me from then on. luckily that made me available for a third girl who had been attracted to me but saw i was always with the blondie.
shelly [her real name] would bring her books from home and i would read to her and she would add to the story from her imagination... that was happy most of the time... and caused me to enter preschool five early... but not with mrs. monster a different preschool, still the drama trauma of getting accused and hurting my lover cut deep scars into my essence and haunt me even decades later!
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