tenth graders part 8

continuation:  after the scene of violence, in which bert pulled eva's hair in revenge for pointing and drawing attention to his wet pants, and the violence of knife and guns in fromt of video cameras, we continue the dramatic mix of fact and fiction by proceeding from violence to sex but not really sex.
8 after the authorities took bert and the cop and bert's backpack, kevin went to comfort his younger siblings and suggested they play cards. eva agreed but dulf, named adolf after his grandpa, said cards are stupid.
kevin suggested strip poker-war so dulf agreed. i said we all need to have the same number of clothes. so the youngsters put on bathing suits, pool-suits, two socks and two shoes while kevin and i removed our shoes leaving one sock, one shirt, pants and underpants=4.
eva said "I wanna give the cards" but adolf asked "why her? i wanna be in charge." josh offered a compromise that she will give cards and you will get first. adolf agreed. i asked adolf if i can shorten his name to ed and he said ed is cool i wish my parents chose ed. kevin explained that the name was to keep the memory of grandpa adolf.
eva gave each of us a card and last her card and we turned them over and saw, king, queen, jack, ten. i complained that the cards are not mixed up. so kevin "cut the deck" separating the top half of the deck or pile and lay the two piles beside each other with only corners touching. fl-lip-p-p kevin shuffled the cards. then he split the deck again and shuffled repeating four times until eva said lets start already.
kevin gave eva the cards and she gave them out. 2,5,a,joker. the strongest can choose which clothes the lowest removes. but which is the strongest card? a is ace which is a strong card, but is it stronger than joker? ed said joker is any card and at best ace so the ace is a tie so no winner. kevin had the low 2 [same say 2 beats ace but ace is the strong card] and removed his one sock.
eva gave another card: king,queen, 4,4. eva had the king this time and she instructed the two who had tied lowest: shirt. so kevin and i removed our shirts.
Eva joked that now she could nurse from our breasts and giggled. she was wearing a long pool-suit of stretchy dark-blue material and sliding her arms from the straps, then pealed down her suit so all 4 of us were bare-chested. kevin shouted "cover your breasts" but ed said "hers are the same as yours they are not breasts yet" eva giggled again. i said "i agree with ed".
eva gave some more cards. so far the youngsters had not lost. now: king,6,jack,ace ed shouted "i won" waving the ace. sadly i had the low 6, so i asked "what do you choose?" ed replied "i say josh must take off his underpants. my choice because i won"
i looked at kevin and kevin said "layers is the rule so you choose sock or pants"-- sock is boring take off those pants. i did and everyone could see my white jock-style under pants.
ed, probably springing or rebounding from the previous trauma of the gunshot, stood and removed his pool-suit which was light green. kevin protested "cover yourself" but ed tossed the suit across the room. eva looked and said "been-iss" and gave the next card.
ed then put a flat hand under his male-finger and raised it upward. eva burst out laughing. kevin said "we better stop the game."
ed said "i will go get dressed" and left the room. so we continued. this time: king ten queen nine. i finally won and told kevin with nine to remove his pants. he announced "one more loss..." when eva interrupted "we will see your ass"-- "no," he corrected, "i will lose" and kevin slipped off his
jeans and we saw he had red stretchy underpants like evas pool-suit.
ed returned to the room and without hand support his male-finger was up in the air. i did not know at that young age it would stand erect like that. ed was waving a sealed pack of condom and said "if josh loses, he must put on a condom. kevin shrieked "where did you get that?"-- from parents room.
i said "the game is strip, not add cover". seeing ed erect had an immediate effect on myself and the bulge grew in my tight-y-whiteys. kevin saved the day and said  "now give us gay privacy." ed shouted "sweet!" and went to return the condom.
eva left the room saying "i will read my book" then kevin explained to me that his expectations were that we would wear condoms and underpants. kevin continued, now go "take a leak" [an expression for urinate or go pee] kevin went to the bathroom at the side of his room. i went to the corridor.
on my right side was a white plastic cover, unrolled to cover the window. to my left was the bright window over the downstairs bathroom. the center door in the corridor was open and i could see a green countertop and entered. just a yard from the door was a wall of the indentation for the bathroom in the kid's room. i imagined kevin just inches away on the other side of this wall putting on his condom.  the narrow path between the wall and the sink, led to the toilet on the left which faced the long bathtub on the right aligned beside the countertop with the sink.
i faced the toilet and had a choice. should i roll down the jocks, considering i was not wearing pants or open the "curtains of the jocks" like usual. my error was to open the twin drapes and pop out the male-finger which also serves as a pee-finger and then to relax. a narrow stream, almost clear like water, flowed out, as usual, into the toilet and i was careful to aim. as the stream ended, and the splash against the inner side of the toilet silenced, i heard a noise behind me. was it ed? as the noise of the stream ended, the shower curtain slid behind me, and out jumped eva. "i wanna see" she said.
having someone see my male-finger, made it swell longer. well not exactly. when i was in the religious jewish camp, after swimming one day when everybody around me un-shy-ly changed from swimsuits to underpants i had entered a shower and closed the curtain. another young boy had opened the curtain and complained i was in his place. i insisted that he would have a turn soon, and he watched me change. he accused me "josh stole my place" and i had accused back "he watched me change, did you enjoy what you saw!" and everybody had laughed.
now feeling shy that a young girl saw, i tried to return it to the inside of the jocks but like a hook i could not return it nor pull the jocks over it.    [had i rolled down the jocks i could have easily rolled up.] then eva poked one finger at the male-finger and moved it towards the side. i was in shock and when she released, it jumped back, straight returning to the normal direction and eva giggled. i reached forward to flush but more contact distracted me.
her fingers came again and this time slid along the bottom of the elongated male-finger, causing me to instinctively gasp with pleasure. eva said "i bet that feels good."
i felt as hard as marble and said "this is how the body works.  the been-iss gets hard."-- this is not hard, she replied, while pushing it sideways again and watching it swing back, proving she was correct. it sprung back     to point forward and curve upward like usual. "yes it is springy but it is also hard."
"no," she insisted and grabbed with her fingers to squeeze it, she told me that this feels soft.
again i gasped again in pleasure as she gently squeezed. then she slid her fingers along the male-finger towards the jocks and asked "which feels better this, or" then sliding her finger along the top side curving up. i answered honestly the first feels better. "and what about this way" she slid her finger from the jocks along the lower side, and to the tip. as the bible said "and it was good" this felt good too but i said "the first is better."-- good. i like that i make you feel good. she slid her finger along it, back toward the jocks and i sighed instinctively with pleasure.
i was so distracted, that  i did not even think about the urine still in the toilet and was blinded by the sensation of pleasure as she repeated and repeated. i know not how many times, nor how long, until kevin called "what is taking you so long". eva stopped and said "you answered the same as bert and later I will tell you a secret."
i slipped the condom, which kevin had given me at school, from the band of the jocks and easily opened the foily seal. josh handed eva the condom and she rolled it open along the male-finger. then I said "Ev [heard like the first part of ev-alin] go read"
i wiped with the cottony towelettes. so eva brought me a towel to wrap around my thighs and cover the extended male-finger. i used the soapy towelettes to wipe under my bald armpits and down my chest. eva surprised me by flushing the toilet and then lowering the lid to stand on it to wipe my shoulders with a towelette and also down my back. i said "I am not like bert. you do not need to do that. eva continued cleaning saying "this i never did for him, but I like you and i know you cannot reach there.
i noticed there was no window but the length of the room ended at the end of the tub. i looked up to see the square vent for air. the length of this room was less than the dimension in the kids room so i understood that the parents bathroom,  filled the space until the front of the house. i could envision two side rooms and in the center three bathrooms in a line.
eva left and this time truly read a book. ed said "you have to treat me equal like kevin and join my bath before parents get home." i shrugged and finally did something very private, certainly not sex, considering we were both wearing underpants over the condoms while under the covers in kevins bed while he too wore a condom and blue jocks. that is not "the relations" which i had discussed with mary earlier that day. i enjoyed much pleasure despite the fact that only kevin ejaculated the male-milk into the condom which he wore and then was soft, but i kept getting soft and hard again in cycles. i guess that is because even age 15 i was not yet puberty.
to be continued...

horrors of atomic bomb

horrors of atomic bomb
when anybody starts a story "in the middle" it is a trick there might be something relevant. a boy tells his mom "big sister pushed me"-- why?-- she bully. ma calls her "did you push him?"--yes-- i punish you-- self defense-- he small-- you should punish young-- i mean cannot hurt-- he pulled hair so i pushed him away-- i did not pull hair-- yes you did and you started the story in the middle to hide the truth.
similarly people start the accusation with the horrors of the atom bomb to hide the truth as if in peace america did atomic bomb in a time of peace hiding the truth.
similar to this story, the american atomic bomb was during a war. it was not "the start" look the accusers mislead saying americans did atom bomb as if that is why japan retaliated at pearl harbor. which was first? which ended a war?
the japanese scientists had an atomic bomb at the same time in 1945. the leading jap scientist had a moral dilemma so hesitated and causing delays until US used it first.
"the Japanese fission project did not formally begin until April 1941"
after US bombed, he realized japan also needed it and completed it. his student hated the emperor because of dead father who had died in the war. the student revealed to americans that the lab was in nagasaki. this explains the fact that even after hiroshima the first atom bomb still the japanese emperor did not surrender because had same bomb too. why was the target nagasaki?  because that was where the lab and the japanese atomic bomb were. when lost lab in nagasaki then emperor surrendered.
for more information see
http://www.latimes.com/world/asia/la-fg-japan-bomb-20150805-story.html
"drawings of a turbine-based centrifuge apparently to be used for the study of uranium enrichment. It was dated March 1945. Another blueprint was found of a centrifuge that a Japanese company, Tokyo Keiki, was producing" americans were warned by some japanese and this caused the emperor to surrender. why did americans occupy so long? to remove all centrifuges and ensure the removal of all weapon preparation. the japanese have nuclear power but that is different from nuclear weapons.

the "gods" of abraham isac and jacob

many people often claim that the original biblical faith was "one god" called monotheistic and the christians speak of singular "the god of abraham" while in fact both abraham and jacob used plural verbs.
the evidence shows that they used both plural and singular verbs in genesis, for example in genesis 35 "niglu" is a plural verb because jacob like abraham believed in many gods.
one way to believe what we are expected to believe can be to admit that genesis is a book which is unreliable and contains false details.
simply replace the "book of genesis" with a shorter version without that problematic plural verb and without other problems.
if the book were good, as the religious respond to efforts to reject genesis then, we should also believe the book and base faith on jacob the polytheist as the book "records". we may choose that the book is good and jacob was a polytheist and follow his gods or choose that the book is not reliable. if so then please stop investing time in preserving and teaching a bad book. english translations simply lie by hiding the plural verb and that is a bad translation which is supposed to translate what is truly in the text being translated. th truth is that god has both singular and plural verbs when refferring to all gods it is plural and when reffering to one of the many gods the verb is singular.
we may choose the book and base polytheism on the book or choose monotheism and reject the unreliable bad book called genesis. just one more of numerous reasons to reject the unreliable bad book of genesis.

QUESTION: is religious tolerance bad?

QUESTION: is religious tolerance bad?
modern religions have eradicated human sacrifice. however a bit of benefit does not justify other crimes.
i recently answered a question about aztecs which reminded me that aztecs practice human sacrifice. aztecs would never "murder" and this was different for them,  it was not murder because human sacrifice was different from murder.
it is politically correct to say "Aztecs do not deserve religious tolerance" now that they are extinct. now nobody would say "aztecs are a holy good religion because they have beautiful legends",  because we recognize the crime of immorality and the religion which mixes 90% good with a bit of cruelty is still a crime so it is "impure" from cruelty and contains cruelty.
now we can more easily comprehend the same flaw in the crimes of "modern" religions which also contain criminal cruelty.
there is no distinction between larger crimes and "relatively smaller" cruelties because even smaller cruelties are cruelty and in other contexts are already recognized as cruel crimes. a mixture which contains crimes=impure and therefore they deserve condemnation. all impure cruel religions whether jewish infant circumcision [genesis+leviticus] or catholic chastity [corinthians] which leads the men to young boys or islamic jihad [at least seven times in the noble quran in the current state before editing] all these ideas which are truly quoted from the religious books which do contain those ideas, not only "do not deserve tolerance, but also it would be EVIL to tolerate any religious book which is impure-from-cruelty=contains cruelty.
only AFTER each religious book is edited and the cruelty which they have been basing on the book-quote is removed from the books, can we reconsider tolerating any such religion.
humanity, if we condemn cruelty and discourage it, must recognize that religions are not pure and hence deserve condemnation. moral humans should also recognize that the followers who call books with cruel message "holy" or guidance are people who stubbornly perpetuate cruelty and deserve condemnation and even severe punishment- severe punishment.
we must encourage the editing of books to remove the cruelty whether it is jewish infant circumcision which attacks a healthy baby with a knife often ignoring the cruel pain, recognized as a crime if done to any other limb besides the genital while in fact that circumcision is the same crime and worse as sexual assault and whether catholic chastity which leads the men to young boys- some we catch and others we have not yet caught, or whether islamic jihad, which is quoted from the book and even those who do not do the action refuse to remove the idea from the book therefore until each of these are edited and also all other cruelty removed, they all deserve condemnation humanity if we respect morality must recognize the crimes and cruelty and condemn the bad ideas and the intolerable people who perpetuate and homor cruelty.
not only followers who act on these cruelties but also even followerrs who say that an impure book is honorable, all deserve severe condemnation and somehow- some severe punishment for inciting cruelty.
only AFTER the removal of cruel ideas from these books, at least the measurable cruleties to the body, as the case of young boys etc., can we reconsider.
the way the religions are today, when the sources are quoted from the books, we must prefer morality and recognize the evil of the ideas which leads to the evil of the people who perpetuate such impure books.

tenth graders part 7

camera
7 josh watched kevin's brother bounce on the couch. the young boy asked, "why are you staring at me?-- i am sorry for staring please tell me your name.-- adolf.-- what games do you like to play?-- why do you ask? you are not my age.-- while i wait for kevin i want to know you better.-- you are a weirdo i warn you we have a camera in this room.-- i will not hurt you now tell me what you like to do in your spare time?-- i like to play chess. adolf pointed to the box on the shelf. i heard footsteps overhead. the cookies were stilll waiting so i asked adolf to bring the game to the kitchen i ran around the walls, turning right twice and poured milk rushing to return the milk to the frij. that would have been emabarresing if he had noticed the milk getting warm irresponsibly.
josh was eating when adolf entered with the chess board and bag of pieces. adolf asked, "do you know who i am named for?" i replied, "for your grandfather"-- how did you know?-- that is how we americans choose names, for memory of the grandparents.
adolf announced "i want to be white" and i agreed. adolf grabbed one big piece and one small piece and put them on the board together,  and as he set up pairs, i finished the few cookies.
adolf moved the pawn, in the corner, which was in front of the queens rook. i was tempted to respond, but an important strategy is that i must "lead" so i ignored his move and moved my pawn of king forward two. adolf protested "hey! you are cheating a pawn moves one step" i comprehended that i should be on the same level and said "I am sorry" as i moved the pawn back. then he moved his pawn of rook one more space forward and suddenly as i sipped my milk i heard kevin say "josh come upstairs".
adolf said "if you go i win" and raised an eyebrow. i replied "you deserve to win this time until we play again a different day. i grabbed the plastic bag for the pieces but he stopped me and said "we worked to set up do not clear the board i need to practice for the school club" i felt horror, that i never knew that there were school clubs. i wished i had a variety of clubs when i was adolfs age but at least now i knew and could ask about them the following day. i also told adolf to ask about the "en passant" rule, then he would learn that my move was valid.
kevin was waiting, so i spiraled up the steps in the corner of the kitchen on the opposite side of the small corner bathroom, and stood in a long narrow hallway. i faced two rooms.  kevin led me to the door in the middle.
kevin knocked, which surprised me because it was his own room. bert answered wait.  
we waited, and soon bert opened the door and my eyes jumped to a darker area beside the zipper of berts shiny blue-cloth sport shorts. i quickly looked away and bert complained "what are you staring at" i told the truth "i am looking at kevin, and i did see you wet your pants" kevin shouted "it is not like that" except he said "it's"
i asked them "would it be okay if i joined you next time" so kevin answered the same words "it is not like that."
bert walked to a chair by a desk and sat down. i pointed out "you were dressed." bert shouted angrily, "of course we were dressed, stop saying the word dressed."-- i continued "so you two are not realy gay."-- bert shouted again "stop saying the word gay."
kevin said, "bert relax", and then to me, "what do you mean? of course we are gay, like we told you at school"
i explained that gay is something specific and anything else is not gay. bert responded with a  sarcastic tone, but not loudly "you call this not gay??"
i continued stubbornly, "kevin would you put your bean-iss in someones back hole?"
kevin shouted in a tone of horror, "even with a condom, i would not use the back hole"
bert started shouting again, "stop saying pea-nis, stop already stop already"
then i concluded my proof "that proves we 3 are not gay." bert shouted again "stop saying gay!" and then agitated but not shouting, added "i am getting out of here. bert jumped up and stormed toward the door where i stood and i retreated back into the narrow hallway and took a step to the window at the side corner. the window was over the bathroom of the kitchen level. kevin shouted "stop stay with us" but bert argued "i do not want to stay." kevin stubbornly replied "i want you to stay" but bert said "we are finished. i cannot stand being with you guys"
bert was so angry that he left the room without his bag, so kevin shouted i will bring your bag tomorrow.
bert ran down the spiral stairs down to he kitchen and the voice of kevins sister, named eva as I would learn later, floated up from the kitchen "why are your pants wet?" [except she said why is] and adolf, who as you must recall, was named for his grandfather explained, "some people are not toilet trained." we heard all this and eva's scream from upstairs.
suddenly the doorbell rang. we did not see but a face peered through the long window by the front door. kevin ran past me down the spiral stairs and i followed. he raced through the empty kitchen and turned left passing the small bath room in the corner, and continued around the wall to the door. ahead of him ran adolf following bert who was chasing eva. bert caught eva and pulled her hair again and she hollered. adolf jumped on bert trying to defend his sister. the face in the window hollered JESUS CHRIST !
Kevin opened the door and in walked a team of lottery news. a man with a film camera aimed it at bert and eva. a second man in police uniform held the bag of lottery money, and the lottery man wore a t-shirt that said "lucky lucky lucky"
this man grabbed bert, who had succeeded in shaking adolf off, and said "this is a citizens arrest"-- "do not touch me" hollered bert and eva together, but the lottery man held berts shoulders and repeated this is a citizens arrest. bert released evas hair. i blurted out "berts bag is upstairs". kevin ran around the walls to get the bag.
eva and adolf were crying in the corner, clearly traumatized. all this was caught on the cameras.
when kevin came bert said that is not my bag. the police ordered bert to open it.
i had not seen, but i blurted out "he has a knife inside, he should not open it, you should open it." the cop answered, "it doesnot work that way." and then ordered bert to open the bag for a drug search [later they would find a bag of white powder and follow bert to a supplier but not now]
bert reached into his backpack and his hand went in deep. it came up empty and he dug in from a different angle, pulling...
a knife. the cop was ready and smacked berts arm with his arm. the knife did not fall.
eva screamed "knife" and i screamed: "shoot already"
the cop aimed and said drop the knife. berts arm moved up over his shoulder as i shouted "fire" and heard the loudest bang that I had ever heard in my life.
 bert's shoulder burst into red, and eva screamed...
to be continued

ten men

plan: ten people in a house for one year
i believe it is good to have more children. i must choose how to plan my ten people. one possibility is based on familiar family structure so 5 men and 5 women like a family, by the end of a year i will have 5 children because they will pair up or not- lesbians will not get pregnant and my goal will not be achieved. their nature will be satisfied by a woman.
if so, 9 men and her nature will get her pregnant and she will certainly find one good man if there no women. at the end of the year i will have exactly eleven people, the nine men and one woman and her one baby that is not my goal and perhaps the men will kill each other over the limited resources of one woman i may have less than eleven.
for my goal nine women and one man.
by the end of the year i predict nine children. that plan seems the best for my goal.
**you will object that i cannot put ten people in a house for a year so no actualization.
this plan demonstrates a possibility for more children, if a family is not monogamy will have more children. if one man has four wives he will have more than twelve children but laws will punish me if i marry a second wife and even freedom of religion does not allow a second wife because freedom of religion does not allow immoral acts such as a second wife or cutting a baby with a knife in the name of religion.
also this plan reveals a nazi error- this is a different idea than continuity in a previous post
if the goal was to wipe out the bad races then - wait first i must challenge the idea of race because there is something called "human race" one race only and that is what i believe-
so racists are wrong and not just criticized as "racists" which society recognized as bad but also wrong there is one human race. those wrong people who separate the "asians from the caucasians and africans" based on skin color are wrong and also nazis were stupid in not thinking of the consequences of ten people in one room as above.
they were stupid not to plan "less mothers" and if use sealed chambers then "more" will fit in a defined space if they are small like little girls. the nazis were stupid in not prioritizing little girls which resulted in more mothers, when they lost- nazis never imagined they would lose the war and women survivors but even they failed to consider that during the time they are enslaving, more kids would be born to the the slave race. also kids cannot carry heavy stuff so little girls plan prioritize- or not
what about the claim of "schindlers list"?="who will polish the inside of small shells?" small boys of the correct race. they will miss school. based on the above, ten boys would be "ten men" who will have one women later or boys of the master race in shifts between tutors. i rejoice that the nazis lost to good and their error resulted in more women survived and the benefit more of the human race so let us all celebrate: that racists are not only wrong- because there is one human race, but also racists are certainly not the smartest ones in the human race.

natural male ejaculation

i do not know if it is common to discuss male humans rubbing themselves until semen the male seed comes out of the genital but i must describe the natural activity observed in pets such as dogs to comprehend it is a natural act in mammals which humans cam learn from and imitate even when alone.
regarding pets, "Masturbation occurs in "intact" and castrated domestic dogs. Apparently, brain centers that mediate sexual behavior are not completely inactivated by castration but are merely muted. Inappropriate mounting of peoples' legs and cushions, sometimes leading to ejaculation, is also expressed by some dogs and can occur despite neutering." i interpret inappropriate as both an instruction to the owner should protect the one being rubbed by removing the dog  as well as "different" than mating. this activity occurs demonstrating the natural desire.
if we can speak openly about our pets, then we can understand these described properties and attributes of human mammals and recognize these are natural body functions to produce and squeeze out. similarly we can learn from above quote and quote later below how human mammals think and feel, within the social limitations which often hide or compell a person to say theuy feel different than their true nature=which we can learn from pet behavior "Males are always interested in an opportunity to mate while the drive to mate is seasonal in bitches. "
source and more info at pet website
http://www.petplace.com/article/dogs/behavior-training/normal-behavior/sexual-behavior-in-dogs

tenth graders part 6

6 josh continues: after I ate the ice cream I left the shop on the street corner, and saw the street sign with the name of the address of kevin. I walked along this street until I reached the home. I saw a young girl sitting on a wooden porch along the front of the narrow house. she sat beside the door at the left corner. i walked along the red brick path from the sidewalk to the wood steps of the deck. I came near and saw the girl was reading she appeared to be only 5 years old.
i felt bad and even regret about my decision to separate from mary. all i had to do was lie that i would read and then i could have experienced something which i had never experienced before, the act she had offered and even encouraged. too late i had only realized now. i climbed the steps to the deck and asked kevins sister, what i already knew, if kevin was home. "yes he is with bert, what is your name". i told her and she said i should go and get a snack. i replied that i wanted her help to find a snack, so she put the book down on the small outdoor table and stood up. she was wearing short pants that were jeans denim and a shirt with a picture which i was not familiar with. her hair was blonde and something about her skin was special. josh felt like he wanted to bring her whatever she would ask for.
i asked myself is this proof that mary was correct saying, if she were white, i would read to assist her, but considered, this was specific to this girl and in contrast, i had felt nothing towards any of the girls at the school. josh recalled that he had doubt possibly he was gay so now this was a feeling related to this specific girl. it seemed wrong and josh even thought he must be sick, that a child too young for sex aroused josh sexualy. she was so small and looked barely 5 years old.
specifically the skin of her legs was a shade of pink that made his heart beat faster. i imagined i was hugging her and suddenly a small hand grabbed my hand. there was something electric and i felt sexualy aroused by her soft warm hand holding my hand.
then josh knew he was certainly not gay.
i asked her age and she said, i am 8 years old. she led me into the home. **note: [some readers will be aroused by the following section, although i am not describing contact, the way i read in a book by stephen king which described a dream with genital rubbing- despite the obvious difference, the story which follows may be a time for some readers to prepare a clean release by put on a condom as explained. if you do not have a condom perhaps be prepared so that when you feel aroused as you read be prepared to take a break and use a towel to rub and release male-milk from the male-finger, into the towel folded over and around the male-finger., or if you have condoms,
as read the next section, sitting alone ease the desire by emptying male-milk out of their male-finger into the condom and then removing the condom and rinsing it and depositing it in trash. it is a natural body function to have male milk and want to squeeze it out and can be done when alone and cleanly which is also a natural body function and not only for married people to squeeze out thye way married people do but natural to squeeze out alone or in a shower for example and may be relevant in the following section as explained.]
the girl pointed to the bulge in my pants and said "bee-nis" i was very shy that she noticed my man finger had lengthened in the way called erection and I blurted out "this happens often to boys". she said, "i want to see it" so i said that would get us both in trouble. she pulled my hand to lead me.
i saw the room with the television but a motion caught my eye and i twisted my head toward the motion instinctively. where the sofa had been empty and nobody sat actually a young boy was lying along the top edge of the sofa-back and was like riding a horse lying along the horse except riding he was bumping up and down. i imagined he was bouncing on his male-finger and that made my man-finger swell as i imagined the same sensation.
another pull on my hand drew me out of the room, away from that exciting sight
we had entered a door at the extreme left corner of the house at the end of the wooden deck and on my right was the room where i had seen the sofa and televison. nearest to me was the sofa whose back was like a horse and this sofa was like an island in the center of the room its back near to the far wall with a long mirror where i saw my reflecton and the eight year old girl and the invisible inner wall with the television. it was off.
now i had been jerked forward past the opening and on my right was a wall with hooks for coats to my left was the outer wall of the home and after walking along the wall, where the tv was, we reached another opening on the right, a room separate from the tv room with long counters and many cabinets. kevins sister pulled out cookies from a low cabinet while i took milk from the frij and she also brought a broad low glass. she said the bathroom is further in as she walked back to the wooden deck to read the book. i sat until she left the house but before eating the snack, i returned to watch the bouncing and felt the desire to rub my own finger.
to be continued

the mystery of light

we are taught in science light is a mystery because it travels like a wave and it travels like a photon.
well i did an experiment: i took two cartons of cereal and made slits in them. in the larger carton i made one slit and through the slit came the light like the shape of the light source=a long thin line of light the same shape as the light source, even the slit perpindicular to the light source, still the light coming through was long like the shape of the light source the same as when the slit was alighned with the light source so not a result of the shape of the slit.
similarly in the second box with two slits, when held perpindicular to the light source light came through the slits two rectangular wide lines each longer than the slit but this time fatter than the relative line when one slit.
if light was "how photons are described" then aligning the slits should result many small pellets of light to jump through the slit and again through the second opposing slit, like the total size of the overlap  ---  | totaling like a pin hole, however that is not what we observe occurring. so light is certainly not streams of photons going through slits.
in fact whenm the larger box with one slit is moved down away from the light source by me bending my legs a wave pattern appear is in the box showing light does mobve like a wave and not aphotons as we deducted above so only wave.
although a pin hole in a box has the entire shape of the long light source, not the same "shadow" of the hole, like a shadow but the reverse- as if my eye looked through the pin hole and saw the long light source so tthe line of light comes through the pin hol
in contrast two perpindicular slits are different and despite alighning the lower two slits to the light coming through the slit in the larger box, no light comes through this shows that light is only  a wave and not a photon because a photon would move through the slits like when the boxes were separate but we observe a wave the light coming through the slit is a wave which the slit narrows and then the slits below limit the other direction of  so light from the first slit has less in the x dimension and teh second slit norrows the y dimension so the wave stops. the wave and zero light passes through the double slits the way the light passed before showing light is only wave only and not photons.
so some ask, light cannot be a wave, how can a wave be in the emptinesss of space and that assumes the wave is mass, like ocean waves of waater which is matter and they are correct that light waves are not the same as water waves because wait and differ from slow soud waves because sound waves that cause ears to hear are matter vibrating and the matter of ear [drum] and air vibrate slower than speed of light however light is energy not matter so it moves in an electric wave which is not matter and can move both in empty space without matter empty of the 'so-called" dark matter because space is empty and also through air as we observe but not the air vibrating because light is not a wave like ocean wave of mass but electric wave without matter only electric.
in conclusion we can exclude photon because a photon of light would pass through both slits so light is only wave of energy not wave of matter and not packets of light and the scientific method assists us to reject both religion and science claims.

tenth graders part 5

as josh left school and walked out of the large double-door, he saw mary standing beside the door. she came close and looped her arm under his arm. josh noted that this contact did not arouse him sexually, which was a surprise considering he never touched a girl, this way, before. young girls had touched him, and even hugged him, but never same age with such close contact like this, and this was also different from the direct sexual contact, when he had been in the jewish religious school, not by adults it would be a crime for an adult to touch a child's male-finger but josh's experience was with young boys touching and that is different than mary because of direct contact.
the surprise increased that contact did not arouse himself sexually, especially to mary who had offered him to experience "the relations". yet josh simply did not feel it. there was an absence of feeling and no struggle at all. "perhaps I am gay" he thought rationally.
josh looked slightly up at the taller young woman, while mary smiled down at him.
josh offered to buy her ice cream and mary said that she wanted to pay for her own. josh thought she was avoiding prostitute-paying. if so, most dates the boy paid, was that in the hoppe of the relations and if so it seems like prostitute-payment and conveniently she wanted to pay for herself. josh continued this direction of thought: every marriage wedding, the man gives the women an expensive ring at the commitment of wife relations- so marriage is truly, truly a prostitution payment.
mary said "I need a big favor from you" josh asked "just how big?" mary explained that her mom was divorceed and wanted mary to read a long book, just to show mary was a "reader". mary explained that if josh would read ten pages, and tell her the story, it would save her time.
josh did not want to read for her, but first wanted to make clear he was not attracted to her.
although at first he knew logically, that it would be bad to miss his first opportunity, of a girl willing to do "the relations" that would be a wasted opportunity and perhaps mary was correct that it was pleasant, despite all this josh did not feel any attraction.
josh said "we will not make love today" mary replied "I knew you were a shy one, but you should not be shy. there is nothing to fear, I will tell you exactly what to do". still josh argued, "really, I do not feel it".
mary insisted, "stop your excuses, i understand it is your first time, so i will help you. there is nothing to be shy about- every parent does sex and you will see how fun it is.
Josh was easily convinced and agreed. "it does sound pleasant".
now it was time to reject the reading. Josh said that he did not want to read. mary was frustrated. "if i were [but she said "was"] white you would help me read" and complained that he was a racist because she was not white.
josh said "no, i just hate reading." mary insisted "if i was white you would assist me."
josh: "i see a person, when i see you, there is no difference"
mary: "I cannot stand racists." now josh took a blind guess "you only made love with africans" and mary replied that although this was true, still she pointed out "you are not african, so that shows i am not racist." now josh had an advantage. "i also agreed to sleep with you because i see a person. no difference of color.
"no, explained mary,  "the reading shows you are a racist i do not want even to eat ice cream with a racist.
josh was in shock but luckily they were near the ice cream shop. so josh bought himself ice cream and told himself i am not a racist. he decided that he would never hang out with africans anymore, because always be accused and suspected of being a racist.
after the ice cream cone with vanilla, josh exited the shop and looked at the street sign and saw it was the address where kevin lived.
to be continued=tbc

tenth graders part 4

we continue the story, JOSH new life. josh had met kevin and bert and they had revealed a secret which many would call embarresing as above. now josh will meet the rest of his class.
part 4
after several more classes on different subjects, at lunch time josh wandered from table to table and everywhere was told "this seat is reserved" the table where his new friends kevin and bert sat, was already full all 8 seats. so he asked a teacher what to do.
the teacher said, "I always wanted to make seating by grade and age not by clubs." the teacher, who wore glasses and grey mustache, wrote a note and sent josh to the principals office.
josh delivered the note and ate the meal in the office. in silence.
after eating josh went to the girl [who said she would help with math]. she was with a group of girls and said to wait ten more minutes. so josh sat beside the group of friends talking.
the girls in the group were talking about makeup, which ones parents allowed and which were not. then a boy and a girl passed and one girl with red hair said, in a critical voice "there goes Ester the slut". the other girls made faces and one girl with brown hair said "you are just jealous because you are the only virgin in your grade" josh interrupted her in an urgent tone "virgin is not a bad thing."
some of the girls giggled and one asked "thing?"
josh asked in true horror, "you mean all of you actually, you know, did it?"
an awkward silence but only for three seconds then one girl with thin black braids said that she does not know about anyone else, but she made love with four boys.
josh was surprised and asked "did you feel like they promised you and broke your heart?"
"no", she answered and explained that she had just wanted to feel the sensation.
then she added in a serious tone "I  liked it. you should try the sensation with me." the girls giggled just then eve said "josh, time to prepare for class"
josh hoped that the girl from the african race was not serious, although he was curious what the sensation of doing "it" was. all josh knew was that boys have a finger between their legs, like an electric plug to put in a hole, an act which jewish religion forbids a man putting into other men, while ironically allowing even the same act and same hole of a woman. even in the hole which is forbidden of a man- something very illogical because it is the same act.
josh asked Eve if she had tasted the sensation of relations, and she said "yes" while pointing to a boy with pale white skin, then she continued "but we broke up because he wanted other girls."
-
josh noted that in contrast to kevin and bert, who were different race-couple, the boy-girl couple was consistently white with white and african with african. the one who had hinted she wanted him could not be serious because josh was not african.  certainly not seriously offering him "the experience"
eve assisted josh in the math explaining from basic multiplication to the complex math and josh was very grateful. "how can i show my gratitude?" he asked.
she said that she liked nail polish but her parents refused to buy her a second color before she finished the first, pink bottle. so eve asked josh to buy some colored nail polish "that would make me happy."
during the study, the girl with long black braids had walked past and handed him a note. when they finished the math assignment josh unfolded the paper and read:  "i am mary and i was not joking" josh felt very mixed emotions because she was serious and on one hand he know it would be stupid to ignore an opportunity, especially one which he had never experienced, but on the other hand, he did not feel attracted to any girl, neither Eve, who helped with math, nor to this mary.
he felt torn between the two possibilities,  but just for a moment. then josh wondered, and thought "perhaps i am not attracted to girls because i am gay?" josh decided he should hang out with kevin and find out...
TO BE CONTINUED

expanding universe continued

correction someone noticed that the later theorum, called general relativity contains the idea of expanding univers- the one i criticized in the previous psot please see and there i mistakenly called it special relativity but this detail is the wrong theorum so now I correct
in contrast tpo religion where they insist on no change and do not permit correcting any error. bad religion.

mystery of history- truly happened occurred.

I spent many years in the school my parents chose, many many hours, studying religion. the more religion I studied, the more lies I noticed.
rabbis often lacked explanations and some explanations refuted/denied the text in other words admitting the "holy" book had a lie. one rabbi even tricked me "prefer one detail over the other" while insisting the "truth" was every detail was true and insisting for me "if you see a problem prefer one detail over the other." as a child i lacked the words to express the problem of lack of purity and untrustworthy. as a child I lacked the words to say "this is not pure" and not a holy message from god.
as a child i studied very little science, but the bit  i studied I scored high, while the rabbis taught me to deny science books written by liars who want me to follow satan and the devil.
the more details of religion, which I discovered were bad, the more i realized i need to know the version of science for those same issues of the "beginning" so i studied science and it is not logical either.
not just that science teaches an old universe, thousands of millions of years while religious books "beginning with a number of years" totalling thousands, a faith which even religious deny=which even religious admit is a lie and insist the bible "submits" to science, adding to the text what the text never said, but also the details of creation and the history as I will explain.
some religious people challenge scientific claims, an effort to remove the threat on their personal faith. the same as rabbis deny the details of science which are a theat to their personal faith. in contrast scientists are not denying details of religion but are observing. that is a key difference.
in science the issue is: what is observed? this method removes almost every detail of religion, for example religion teaches "correct behavior" is for a man not to have "the relations" with a man. that such a sinful act is immoral. how can we test if that is correct behavior or not? so they direct to a book romans or leviticus but how do we test if "the idea in the book" is true?
**a test exists the conditional word if in the bible: "if you do not obey then god will stop rain" well there is rain RAIN COMES despite a majority of "sinners" who either deny catholic or deny protestant and all certainly do not obey the "law of jews" so that test shows religion is a lie but that does not mean that deductively science is true. science is a search.  which does not mean religious books are true in fact my studies show numerous examples of impurities and lies in religious books claimed to from god yet certainly not from god.
if we examine the idea in special relativity called "expanding universe"
consider:
that would mean that 1 the universe is "expanding" and therefore previously BEFORE  the expanding ALLthe mass matter was in one point. note all.  why? because the state is before expansion- science is fact, no? expanding universe- see, so must be a state before expansion. we proceed. after rejecting religious books.
now we can picture the "race competition" between the two contestants 1 light traveling as photons at the speed of light from the "bang" of the event, when the age of the universe began, in directions of three dimensions [of space 3D] in contrast to the second contestant 2 matter with mass, which is moving/going less than the speed of light because mass is differet from photons and mass cannot go faster than the speed of light in fact it is probably moving at the speed that mars orbits the sun and certainly less than "c" the speed of light.
after a unit of time we call a  year, light moved, at the speed of light called c, fast and far=millions of units more, units called kilometers or miles more than the distance which the mattter such as hydrogen or stars, traveled.  "speed times time equals distance" while speed is less than c, so distance-traveled is less than "tc" while science and especialy "expanding universe" have set and defined the value of time as a certain number of years and the speed of light a defined rate with a number.
*we now can picture a universe at that state at age one year, as explained, with a center area with matter, and around it, an area with only light but no matter with mass and beyond that there must be "space" for the light to go or the "space" of the universe expands.
clearly matter is "not infinite" because the time is known and has been calculated [based on red shift speed] and speed no faster than light and even light has traveled for a defined time, in this excercise, at a defined speed c and within light range there is empty space without the matter with mass, as explained above.
so the matter has moved a certain amount and beyond the fastest matter with mass [although certainly no faster than c] there is no matter with mass.
i can imagine an infinite space [which, if infinite from the start didnot truly expand] with finite matter with mass in its center only, which is moving.
we could have faith this is true or doubt it but luckily science has observed galaxies passing THROUGH each other this means they are not moving away and challenges the idea of "expanding" universe because the galaxies passed through each other, differ from "never near" and always further and further.
similarly to what we observed, galkaxies passing through each other that could also occur at the state that science claims was the start of expansion.
inother words, before expansion when galaxies were near each other the galaxies could pass through each other as we observed imagine the center pre-expansion point,  after the start, some matter to the two sides but not truly a start because they had switched places and the matter on each side had been on the pther side
in fact they were not particles but galaxies "relative to the so-called" pre-expansion point, was not at starting point but were on both sides of that so-called starting point of the expansion fact.
based on this logic i not only reject "the beginning" described in religious books, for many numerous reasons, [for example "god created" how would i test if earth was created by god or not?  if god exists or not?] but also reject that "expanding universe" in special relativity of 1905, because the universe is infinite and always was infinite [so not truly expanding space besides space between galaxies, but not space beyond matter as described above] and even the matter with mass:
I doubt "all" was in the "pre-expansion" place which existed if there was expansion.
an alien told me that rocks in space have been moving for forever [not the number of years science calculated nor the number which appears in the bible which most religious admit is not the truth] and  the aliebn added that the earth only had life for around 9 units of time each one hundred thousand orbits [called earth year]
although this differs frojm both science and religion, what science claims was history one day both religion and science will have the tools to see that this is the true history.
the "mystery of history" is infinite time and and infinite space and finite amount of matter for example rocks etc moving for infinite time and this indeed differs from   both the history acccording to religion "with a beginning and less than ten thousand years" and also differs from the history "millions of year" of life claimed by science which cannot carbon date more than twenty thousand years while some scientists lie to connect carbon dating to dinosaurs which is just as bad as the lies of religious humans.
the alien told me life for nine units as above, and rocks [molecules of mixed elements] for forever in an infinite universe that always was infinite space in three dimension that means not truly expanding.
one day we humans will be "able to test" and discover that aliens knew and that the alien i quote described the truth of history.

size of universe

before today  I barely knew any physics so  I imagined an infinite space in the dimensions of space with finite mass. others would say the other combinations a closed universe or infinite mass in the infinite space universe.
however I now have two new doubts that I want to share.
we know the equation of speed speeed is usualy written in notation i.but for purposes of english i will use different letters for variables as follows
d=distance, s=speed, t=time.
science has discovered the time of the existence of the universe somehow 1.38*10^10 of the unit we call years.
if we have blind faith in science then s<c meaning speed is less than the speed of life. a star or galaxy could move at sevral possible velocities but all less than the speed of light so s<c.
 since the maximum speed is c, we can no the maximum value of d as a
product of 1.38*10^10*s<c=<tc. so d can be a total less than tc because the time is known.
that means that stars do exist at a distance that we can observe them because we observe themn and this indicates the distance is less than 1.38*10^10 ligh- years distant away, allowing the light to travel  the differing distances each less than T and arrive.
since d is a productive thereis more distance in which we do not observe stars and which may be empty because we do not klnow OR which may have stars yet because not enough years passed the light has not yet arrived. maybe yes maybe no so we cannot claim there is. it is like god that we do not know so we will not write there is a god nor a distance star.
between the distance s and the poroduct of sc is more distance which can be empty or with stars we did not yet receive their light.
however if we believe that matter cannot travel faster than light then speed must be less than c written s<c so the product d must be less than 1.38*10^10 imes more than the speed of light meaning the maximum distance is less than sc because it is less than speed of light. in other words the distance in the universe must be finite because it is impossible to have a distance - as well as matter such as a star but impossible distance greter than tc NOT GREATER THaN tc because t is known according to science and c is known as well and both are not only finite but defuined.because
in conclusion space exists only as far as tc because no matter can travel faster than c and the time is limited this means that even space is finite because there is no value of d that can be greater than the product of tc.
only as tim epasses the d increases- describing an expanding universe and still the matter cannot exist because no matter can go faster than c. distant stars are going faster then nearer stars but no star can go faster than c and cannot exist meaning both the matter in the universe as well as the distance in the universe d are finite with the exception that d increases constantly as time increases and this is what some call a closed universe. so space is finite and not infinite and no unioverse can be outside or the distance could not expand.
the only way to beleive in more matter than the product of tc is because c is a maximmum is if t is not 1.38*10^10 and if the universe existed less as i believe as around nine hundred units each the time of onethousand earth orbits around the sun called years then the size of the universe is even smaller with even less matter and only the distance will increase as time increases which supports expanding universe but only closed universe.
an alien told me the distance and space [of outer space] is infinite distance, and if so, which variable is error?
is T error?  or C error?  if c is error so the speed of light is not what we were taught, then special relativity has a flaw. i have blind faith that c is correct. yet if d is infinite than t must be infinite as a product of tc because the maximum speed is c it can be any speed less than c.
OR the distance is less than both possibilities. i have blind faith that d is changing and "expanding universe " is true for space only but matter is not added relative to the new space in distance and yet time is less than what relativity claims. not more than 9000 units as described. until we measure differently or someone helps me with the equation.

Einstein bias

i do not claim to be a physicist but i feel that einstein was biassed when looking for "one" uni-explanation.
he over-equate the relationship in equation of speed. distance=space=d divided by speed or d/s=time. this true relationship was over-equated as if there was unity of space and time. time multiplied by speed equals distance traveled, to link together three different issues but in his bias he used his brilliance in a wicked untruthful way, to link them. the evidence of his deception increases as ten years later the general relativity "incorporated" gravity showing the bias to reach a prejudiced conclusion. his results were more like re-sluts.
edit+ one website uses the word obssesive for unity see
http://www.thephysicsmill.com/2013/04/28/stuff-from-shape-kaluza-klein-theory/
one theory fr everything, this bias may have influenced the conclusions.
admittedly some details were useful but the idea of one is a bias and although he was a genius it was used for his bias not for truth so i am confident that physicists, who must study and write based on einstein in universities, if later ignore this "unity bias" can get better results [resluts cute typo! and later added to previous paragraph] of observing the universe, by observation, not just by IMAGINATION of a space craft moving half the speed of light which is not realistic anyway. was he a genius "dangerously smart" but truth should have been more important than bias.

a plea to the pregnant, nutrition

a plea to the pregnant, nutrition
this will focus on eating habits with a plea begging pregnant women for example in week 7 and 8 and later to regularly eat, at regular intervals, full balanced meals at consistent regular intervals.
many women see pregnant ladies with swollen bodies and feel worried so when they know that "I am pregnant" perhaps in week 5 and 6,  are tempted to to "battle" the future swelling by dieting and limiting calories etc. instead eat regularly as I will explain.
some will skip bread because of the rumors of "starch" and later feeling hungry eat a bag of chips or a pastry- the focus in the message is a plea to think of the needs of the growing future baby. the baby can be "trained" to store nutrients for example if  mom skips meals or:
eats very little for whatever reason perhaps to "battle" the swelling of the baby which by the way is not six pounds of fat! then the baby will be TRAINED and practice month after month storing and storing=the consequence will be months of training to store and when the baby is born out and eats, then the baby will already be trained to store and that leads to overweight obese third graders
OBESE THIRD GRADERS
because every time the child will eat, they store and store and what caused it? the formed habit of storing month after month before birth. it is up to you!
please eat at regular intervals or the results will be habitual storing leading to obese third graders like we see in the US.
one other factor is what we call the "full feeling" when i first learnt that there was a sensation of full, i noticed that, even after a portion i DID NOT feel that sensation nor any sensation unless i ate enough to feel my stomach stretch, this teaches a lesson.
parents fill their own plate and the child's plate and for many different reasons insist "finish eat everything on the plate" and say the kid wants to play- that ignores the fact that the body signals when it is satisfied!
please when your four year old says the are full- move the plate to the refrigerator.
the consequence of saying "you must eat" everything on the plate anyway, trains the body to ignore the full sensation and then at age 7 and 8 after months of training-to-ignore the full sensation, the acquired habit is they do not feel "satisfied" until they feel the stomach stretch. ***this is another avoidable cause to obesity.
to summarise my plea briefly: please parents eat during the weeks of pregnancy at regular intervals and balanced meals- imagine in your mind an obese third grader to motivate you to provide the future baby with frequent nutrients and the body will not need, nor acquire a habit to store and store.
this relates to the future for pregnant.
admittedly this idea reveals the cause of youth fat storage=inconsiderate mothers some for selfish reasons to appear thin or other reasons,  pregnant who dieted and coincidentally have obese children, however this is not the purpose of this article, and not blame because they did not think about a result
baby storing- the title is constructive planning:
***this is a plea to the pregnant mothers to eat at regular intervals and balanced meals, for the reasons demonstrated, so the baby does not acquire the habit to store and store and store more and more.

do people know the future?

recently I watched a video [second terminator] and there are several useful ideas in the video which deserve note.
"john oconner" does not live with his mother because-
she is in a mental facility. this teaches us that if people claim to know the future we treat them as "crazy" for many reasons. the future has not happened yet,+ plus:
it depends on many choices.
when someone claims they know the future and that the visions they saw are real and true, we know that the future has not happened yet, and that they have a bad problem. significantly, when john's mother tries to convince them that she is describing something real:
she insists that she knows dates.- this is a key to unraveling religions because the so-called-prophetic books do not say dates
if they claim god knows the future and revealed it to me god would know a date.
when. for example moses said "in the end of days" that is not a date and it is easy to lie when you know that nobody can check.
next the adherents say now is the "end" like in the 1960's [and earlier] fooling many then, and when they were wrong and now it is fifty years later the religious try the same filthy trick.
if a prophet wants to be taken seriously they would say I really know and god told me the date but **isiaha and jeremia never said dates because they were only TRICKING the primitive people.
***similarly children, who believe their parents about santa claus and the tooth fairy believe prophets such as isaia and imagine god, too, because that is the level of skepticism that does not reject santa claus- and when realizing no santa, often do not rid the other imaginary ones like god and prophets.
well how do you test if they exist you can only imagine because god is imaginary.
however if we would think about religious books, they do not have dates whether christian book revelation or jewish isaia and even daniel only a bit has dates with a warning "these are secrets" so they cannot be tested. that is worth the same as me saying "the US will have a woman president" when? i never said a date and you can wait and wait and wait more that is not real prophecy and similarly religions are baseless.
can a prophet be tested if not- then we can ignore them let us assemble three bits of evidence 1 moses said the hornets would come and the enemies would flee 2book of numbers reports that is not what happened. but before the excuses- we assemble three bits of evidence: third a prophet can be tested if he says something will happen and it does not source deuteronomy, now apply to moses in exodus 23 he is not a prophet but instead a false prophet and claiming from god is a liar who cannot be trusted. there is no basis to judea-christian religion, including revelation which said "soon" and since john long has passed he was not only  a bad message but proven a liar not holy and not godly.
so i guess that leaves hindu? we need not choose "from the list of religions" instead we neeed to think for ourselves
so we must search within ourselves.

the mystery of tiny

when we go to school we see pictures of atoms. those are "sketches" of what we understand about atoms.. did anyone truly see that is what an atom looks like? when we read about eletron microscopes they make it sound like "an electron passes through" the thing the way light passes between the solid parts of cells so we can see cells enlarged by lenses using a microscope. in contrast a difference is that light passes through clear stuff and we see around the cell in contrast to an electron stream which would not "go through an atom" but between the atoms so the resulting "pictures" from a n electron microscope of "white balls" are not reasonable.
luckily for me there are a few HONEST PHYSICISTS THAT ADMIT THESE PICTURES ARE NOT WHAT AN ATOM LOOKS LIKE see link
http://www.askamathematician.com/2016/06/q-what-are-actual-pictures-of-atoms-actually-pictures-of/
so the picture of atoms what do they claim we are seeing? a stream of electrons would pass between the atoms and we would not see the "electrons" which we are told circle [verb] the atom and the electrons hitting the atom would be reflected back the way a ball bounces of a ball.
i emphasize "stream of electron through" because that is how encyclopedia describes electron microscope not reflect as one liar responded to the above criticsm just guessing with ignorance like most human how have difficulty sticking to the truth.
so when we see a white ball are we seeing the electrons? i doubt it my guess is we are seeing the reverse of the stream of electrons around the atom. the fact that electrons exist is indicated by static such as rubbing a glass surface and papers have beeen observed rising to the glass until the electroons ove and similar in electric current but what an atom actually is? that is theory.
so they say an atom has mass with a positive charge called a proton and the proton is made of parts with electric charge and the total chargse is positive. that would be based on mathemeatics but what is fact?
is it a tiny short "string" of electricity that vibrates and 9is perceived as matter? i recently raed about string theory how to add more spacedimensions  called small dimensins but if there is a "curled" small dimension its in the same place as the up dimension relative to the plane it curls at.
so what is tiny?
if we take pure hydrogen gas and make it cold it changes to liquid for our appearance going down but spreading the shape of its container but smaller we are supposed to believe lttle solids. each moleculre with two hydrogen atoms each with one proton.
so these tiny solids can act like aliquid when cold and as they warm boil at what we consider cold temperature and act liek hydrigen gas. but what truly is it.
i will tell you and in the future you will have tehnology to see i am correct [or not]
take a drop of water which is made of water molecules we can separate or attach two kinds of atoms one called oxygen to the other called hydrogen to amake the molecule  so the water drop has many molecules.
each time we divide the drop there are less molecules  and keep dividing until only one molecule remains.
if we split that it is not water anymore so the "atom" meaning smallest is a molecule of a substance. the water molecule is made of what we call atoms but the atom is made from mass with apositive charge meaning more positive charge than negative charge but solid masslike a speck of dirt but what it truly is? i will wait for an alien to describe because id doubt what the scince book ssay