my first night in a dorm

dear diary--my first night in a dorm
in the autumn of 1988 i was 12 almost 13 years from birth. i had wrongly been doing jewish ceremonies one year early before age 13. i already finished 8 grade therefore will save the summer story for future diary.
we drove to the ohio state skool. i enterd the dormitory and saw a list of names. all the students that registered were listed  rooms. the names were alphabeticly listed. so i found my name and room number on the ground floor.
after i unpacked i met my two room mates both dressed like boys. they each entered and announced their names. one was not named mikil like angel mikael and the other was not named aron.
they told me their story that both were in my grade starting 9th grade year but unlike myself, both had already been in the dorm and had been room partners when they were in 8th grade. so they would sleep in the SAME room that they had slept in last year. they explained to me that supper would be served at 7pm because lunch was later than normal time. also since they had eaten lunch at normal time noon they would not wait until 7pm and would eat in the room with food they had brought from home.
we chatted about our lives. aron asked me "do you hav a girlfriend?" and i lied "no" because atara and julee weere secret lover and we had now separated. so we chatted more.
i asked them the frend list question: when is your birthday?
aron said his birthday month was april and mikil said has birthday month was march so he was better kuz he was born first. they refused to say the date and taught me birth dates are secret. i said my birthday was in september 1975. they were HORRIFIED. that means i was too young for ninth grade. they explained that i had been wearing the jew-ceremony blocks TOO EARLY. no twelve year old is allowed to wear the prayer cubes. the earlieest to start is one month or one week before 13 birthday so we counted together if i was born in september 1975 then in END of 1976 complete one and called two. end of '77 2 and one day. end '78 3 and one day so i had not yet reached the age 13 and one day as the relijin defined in traditional books.
i protested that after twelve complete years i am called 13 so they counted again and i saw my parents had wrongly burdened me again. now it was FORTY DAYS before my birthday start 13 and too early to wear the cubes. wearing it at the wrong age was bad kuz nobody wears the cubes age twelve.
i would need to wait ten more days.
then they unpacked their supper and dined.. aron had baked chikkin leg that he held in his hand by the bone and ate the thigh and leg. mikil had a samwij bread with red salami inside. mikil offerd me his second samwij but i explained that the taste of salami is not for me. also most samwij have mayonayz and the taste of vinegar is not for me.
they giggled nervously when they heard me say "not for me" and aron said that my way was the best way to say the taste is bad for you.
they each had a large bag of popcorn and they each shared dumping from their bags into a ten inch zip bag so we muncehd the snak and talkd about our lives. i asked them their favrit color and they said that this question is only for first graders.
finally at 7 pm i went for late supper. they did not come kuz they already ate. so i met the other brats in my grade year. they called themselve the class of '92 assuming they would all graduate that year. they were in one word an obnoxious bunch attacking each other with mean words and i immediately fled to a nebor table where two older boys sat only the close frends together. they ate silently and wen i said "hi my name is not tal" they motioned to be silent. so i sat silently as they ate silently. that was much better than trying to talk while your mouth is busy chewing.
after supper of cheap hodo- abbreviation for hot-dogs weeners from ground parts of the cow that they cant sell. we all went to the dorm to unpack but i already emptied my travel cases into the drawers. so i just talked with my new roommates.
aron told me that i should wear a robe to sleep then no pajamas. i responded that autum is too cold. he responded that we all have blankets.
i did not obey and as usual after showering i pulled on new und-y-s and loose pajama pants. they had colord stripes. i added the robe over it for peer pressure.
mikil asked "do you want me to wake you early to prepare for the prayers?" i repied "no way i wont lose any sleep" aron said "wake me so i can pea first." i asked wadya mean.so he explained at 7.15 the music blares [yes he said "blares"] to wake everybody and one hundred kids all awaken and feel that their bladders filled all night and all need to DRAIN at the same time at the 3 pea pots. so i said "wake us up so we wont wait in line".
we chatted some more until inspection. an older student came in, switched on the small light by the sink and switched off the central light that had 3 bulbs. i asked "why does the room have a sink." this caused an argument. aron said that the jew law obligates to wash hands as soon as possible from time of awakening. not even walking 4 paces." i replied from each of our beds even the nearest is more than 4 paces. mikil argued that the jew law obligated NOT WAIT but a sin to wait from emptying waste water calld urine. since at awakening you need to obey both you must obey the "o-rice-a" one more important meaning based on word of god. but aron replied "first wash then pea and then wash kuz the evil spirit must be removed before it enters your pea hole" mikil was ready for that and said we anyway dont touch our fingers to that hole. they argued some more repeating their claims in different ways until i realized that relijin is bad and causes needless fighting about empty harmless issues. but... which one would i do? word of god seemed more important so waaiting is bad sin kuz filthy inside.
next morning was special.
mikil shook my shoulder and called my name "tal, you said i should wake you go drain". not thinking i pulled myself from the FOOT of the bed, kuz mikil stood at the side and as i stepped toward the sink by the door i jamd my toe into the METAL that was in the floor to stop the door from opening too far "unh" i moaned as I stumbled to the sink.
aron urjd "wash first like my dad the rabbi said" but mikil repeated "sin to wait" hid that his pa was also a rabbi. which would i DO in action? i obeyed the sin. and ran along the corridor to drain the urine. mikil jogged behind me. aron was not swayed by the evidence and i heard him splashing the water in the jew ceremony.
we enterd the empty toilet room and stood by the white wall holes. grossly called urin-als. i drained many hours of urine like every morning. the sound of the bubbling echoed in the emty toilet room with no sound from the sleeping studnts. mikil said "shush" so i turned so the stream of waste water would hit the white painted steel instead of splashig forcefully into the water. mikil finished draining first and walked to the sinks. he filled the large plastic cup and washed the jew ceremony but 4 pours on each hand.
i continued draining many hours of urine. finally i emptied the waste water and washed as my custom 3 pours on each hand. we walked silently returning to the room as aron passed us in a robe going to drain. mikil dressed and went to prepare for prayers while aron drained. i climbed into bed kuz early and saw i had 20 minutes until the music blared.
i shut my eyes and before i could think anything the music was blaring. a younger boy not named ernie, was beside my bed saying "did you know you snore?" i understod that i had slept again. irnee said "slide over." aron had already left with mikil.
so i was curious and slid towards the wall. he climbed in beside me and said that he sees that my pen, is erect. this was surprising considering that i had already drained the pressure from the urine. he whispered that it means i want ess-ee-eks.
i was silent expecting him to offer me to insert into his rear exit... which i considered a sin and also physic-ly dirty kuz only able to clean outside the rear exit hole. only years later I would realize that at age 17 I was a "bi" but not then age 12.
the thing that happend next was far better. the eth grader slid his hand along my pajama shirt. then in a circle on my fat overweight stomik. he traced widening circles until his hand hit the male finger then suddenly he grabbed it. i moaned with pleasure. the pleasure was so intense that I did not know where i was nor hear any music despite it blared loudly to wake everybody.
i slid my hand up his pajama pants leg except he was wearing only his white robe. my hand slid under his robe along his smooth leg  actually thy. i slid my hand as he gripped the hodo in his hand like a hodo bun from outside my p-j pants. i slid my hand between his thys. pressing against his rite thy. we lay there in my bed under my blankets and only wen he released his grip of the hodo bun did i notice the music blaring. he separated his thys. i imagined briefly that he was atara and not a boy until my hand slid along his right thy and bumped into a soft tube. it was very soft yet much longer than mine when soft. this was not a girl. i was shocked that his tube was soft but soon distracted as his hand found the GAP in the p-j pants for easy pea. i explored his smooth male-bag much MUCH smoother than my bumpy skin of the mail bag. it felt like the skin of a smooth snake that i had never touched in my life yet smooth with un-raised diamond pattern. his hand entered the gap in the p-j pants and searched around the und-y-s. no delay he found the gap for easy pea thru the undy. and said tonite only sleep in a robe this will be more fun.
he would also help me meet another kid that causd pleasure on Saturdays. anyway his finger enterd the gap of the und-y and his thumb and ring finger  gripped the male finger for a long time i was almost unconscious from pleasure.
when he released i heard his watch beep. the music was silent and no sound from students in the hall. he said tonight he would help me wash my shoulders kuz hard to reach and we would meet again in the dawn like today.
we quickly dressed and ran to the pray-hall. everybody else wore the blocks so my desire to "fit in" and not appear noticeably different swayed me to sin that i wrapped the prayer cubes ten days too early knowingly. mikil motioned with his hand that this was wrong.
we had arrived just in time for the standing prayer. i knew,  since third grade that i was not obligated to say that nor the many tens of pages that evrybody else had read but i had not read. i knew ever since third grade those were "if want". and not everyone wants. ernie walked to me wearing his prayer blocks and wisperd watch the rabbi standing there.
the rabbi was silently reading the prayers. i skipped pages to the "hear" devotion and read "listen israelite nation, master is our god master is one" and continued with the 3 paragraphs selected from bible tora in the order that rabbis directed not the order in the bible. only later i would learn that the printers were wrong choosing those sections.
i read them as i swayed pretending to read the silent prayer. when i finished those 200 words from bible, i pretended to bow same as in the silent prayer turned the page breathed in and out for each pair of lines that my eye counted and turned pages until the last page of the standing prayer and i emphasize I did not say even one word of the blessings kuz i knew i was not required obligated.
ending i looked to the rabbi that the young kid had pointed to and he was not there. he went at that time to inspect the dorm and punish anybody too lazy to get out of bed. knowing this time helped ernie and i enjoy many fun mornings when my room mates had left.
also before night inspection we would leave study early to be the first in the showers. his stated reason was so my shoulders would be clean since it hard to reach your own shoulders but i inderstood the real reason.
i saw that his male finger was always soft hanging tube even when he pressed it on my ribs. how? i was shorter than him, despite being grade 9,  so his hanging tube was at the level of my ribs. then he would imagine that my male finger was his and that our finger functioned as he slid his soapy hands along it until his watch beepd. then we separatey returned to bed for inspection that the lights were out and followed by the morning drain and return to bed for more pleasure.
these meetings continued almost every day for years. he never complained that the white male milk did not come out the way it was supposed to at our age. i would not reach physical maturity until almost age 16 years. seven years later than jew-book said the male milk is expected.
he was satisfied imagining that at least our finger inflated. also he introduced me to a Saturday frend.
so those were very pleasant mornings and evenings that helped me though the bad suffering days of hunger.
we did nt know that "modern medicine and nutrition" instruct must eat near the time of awkening. so we would all awake to blaring music at 7.15 to pray from 7.30 to 8.30 then after reading around ninety 90 pages and ten repeated, besides two days per week even more pages before eating plus delay kuz short 15 minute class before breakfast. finally at 9 we fed. i did not know that other dorms started class 8.30 hence fed at 8 ! we were not fed until 9. but had not known this yet. but the problem was, aron pointed to the milk containers and said when the meal time ends they will "consolidate" the remaining milk into one container. so the newer and older milk can mix. that made me terrified to ever pour myself milk unless from a sealed container. so i would eat dry flakes. i coulda ate hot porrij but i was scared not knowing the ingredients of that lumpy stuff.
 the bread was the cheapest possible bred and it tasted different from other bread. i had never tasted that sour taste before and bread often felt dry despite the plastic wrapping the loaf. so no bread kuz bad taste and no unidentified lumpy porrij and no milk in flakes. by ten oclock i was hungry again. i felt hungry all morning and no food unil late lunch at 1pm... "after all, a late breakfast justified" a late lunch.
at lunch i could see the pots could not be cleaned and were not clean. the pasta was oily shiny and each day i could barely eat any lunch. and the bread had a strange sour taste apparently a shop that could not sell its day old bread donated it to the skool. but it was different bread with a sour taste differed from the bread i ate until then.
hence so many more hours of hunger. the only thing that kept me at that suffering skool, with hours and hours of hunger until my one meal a day at dinner as above hot-dogs, was the intense pleasures in the dawns and nights. intense pleasure for a short time balanced the many long hours of hunger. so why did i not eat a snack? huh?
to be continued.