hank the hanuka heroic hog

intro: recently I watched a funny episode of "friends".  altho it is just comedy it does have one "thought provokingly serious" issue.
how to draw a child's attention to hanuka which is "by far outshined by flying reindeer"-!
that is thought provoking.
consider the scene in the comedy series. the man "ross"  is trying to tell ben about the hanuka story and ben asked about flying reindeer... well we can say "you know reindeer cannot fly"....
but seriously how?
EVOLVE OR DIE.
ross tries to compromise plans to dress as santa and tell ben as santa yet there is no costume so he rents the armadillo costume. hanuka starts with h so what about hare or hedgehog or hog. hog?? well START eating hog-meat pork etc. that should not be an excuse to exit: "i wanted to eat mushu pork" and when i eat it i am not a jew so i am not a jew.
speaking of jew diet, did you know the animal armidillo is specifically mentioned in the bible as not to eat? this was the traditional translation preserved in the septuagint when "jews translated the bible to greek as preserved in talmud and jospeus." Stewart added passover pete so I will add hank the heroic hanuka hog.
I offer a suggestion to EVOLVE HANUKA in several ways for anybody who wants an update and is not stubborn about "not evolving".
1 when? in a culture where all the shops are decorated for crismas, even if the shop owner never goes to church... would it not be wise to celebrate hanuka on the same day as crismas... now religious jews would prefer keeping the old way even while watching their children join the [true fact in year 2000] 2.5 million american "jews by family" who say "we are not jews..." if trends continue into the future we can expect the jews to increase by 2050 adding around two million [more births than deaths]  and of them almost one million will join the group who says "my parents are jewish but I am just an american".
the fact is "evolve or become extinct" has already begun. but what if you are willing to adapt? how do you get a kids attention without flying reindeer and magical elves bringing presents?
we can say look how weak they are needing so many crutches yet we see what happens without the "mascot"... or is it because other things in jewish are repellantly offensive in the eyes of jewish teenagers? lets try my theory first and add a mascot and evolve the day.
one option is to celebrate jewish hanuka on the same day as crismas and not with an outdated candle/s but instead a day to eat a "ham" from a hog=like the letter h and throughout the year as well bacon ham pork etc. but especially the "h for hanuka ham." +tell the legend of the "heroic hanuka hog" named "hank like hanuka". hank the heroic hanuka hog saved california from a rogue communist general in 1983=see next post.
better yet! celebrate sooner before crismas "we celebrate first" on the first day of winter [december 21] each year.
just as important as seperating from a lunar calendar which honors ancient babylonian gods such as tamuz as preserved in the jewish book ezekiel, and adapting to the "common" calendar is the content. no outdated candle. we do not need candles and when there are no electric lights a candle is too dim to have any value.
also instead of a silly story of "magic oil" or worse a "violent killing rebellion" and for what? all for the privilege "to burn animals instead of eat them" truly a practice which even jeremia the jewish prophet criticised bringing prophecy god denied ever commanding burning sacrifices and saying in jeremia chapter 7 you eat the meat do not burn it "because i did not command them.
if you want a "strong tough guy hero" story then make a rescue mission... like the story of building the wall around jerusalem a few posts before but even that is not updated and lacks a mascot.
how wasteful-! a war for the right to burn animals... sheep which could grow wool for clothes and textile if we would not kill and burn them and what about milk and cheese and horn instruments stupid jews destroying useful stuff daily... two sheep per day at the minimum... no wonder jewish teenagers say "me? i am not jewish" i do not want a war for the privilege to burn sheep.
while religious jews wish mesia would come so they can burn 2 sheep each day, day after day blindly ignoring the damage and loss just because the rabbi said so. assuming that were true it is still time to evolve and burn something less useful than a woolly milky mammal.
and what about truth?
TRUTH IS IMPORTANT so ever since jews decided "jeremia was a good prophet" then I expect jews to respect jeremia message from god correcting the error of killing animals in jehovas name "i did not command" the translators add words but the text truly said "so said god i did not command sacrifices so you eat the meat" jeremia 7 that is jewish it would be anti-jewish to burn sacrifices and worse to make a hero of those who rebelled just to rebel against the jewish god who said you eat the meat.
not a story whose hero is killers of people and for what? a rebelion to kill people for the excuse of rebelling against god who revealed his will through jeremia the jewish prophet. jesus christ .
instead time for hanuka to evolve out of the lunar calendar and into the "common" calendar. a new reincarnation of the word hanuka.
at this time the symbol of a candle human light is very very stupid when we consider from winter natural light increases and will increase from that point with natural light so stupid to have a human light specifically now, bad idea plus candles are outdated and drip wax... so skip the outdated candle do not buy candles nor jewish menora lamps [for oil/candles] and if you have one sell it to a christian they go for that stuff... but at a decent second hand price or they will hate jews...
and talk about HANUKA HANK.
which animal?
h is good because "hare is fast and faster than the easter bunny" yet still not faster than deer such as reindeer.
certainly still outshined by glamorous flying reindeer. also no need for HA name because hank sounds like hanuka so h for hedgehog like "sonic the hedgehog but hank and not blue" or better yet something edible=Hank the hanuka hog=the mammal named hog for male pig and specifically eat a ham for hanuka HA+M on december 21 of common calendar regardless of the rabbi calendar.
we need to evolve a better story because jews lack an easter bunny which is a rabbit but a hare is faster but a reindeer is even faster and flies so...
space travel to bring the special asteroid... to save the cities on the west coast of USA.
the hog is a hero i will generate the legend but for now i briefly state he was a hero, because hank the hero hog  brought a special rock from the astroid and ruined the plot see next post.