memories of a 3 grader
my first MAJOR step away from rabbis occurd in grade 3. despite in earlier grades i also "stopped" praying that was a step toward the rabbis... as i will contrast in endnote kuz now about grade 3.
i had argued with the school principal to accept me into the school. he had asked me an "entrance exam" question about negative numbers. i knew math and argued "taking more than what you have is impossible." he argued you cant enter the school if you dont know enuf math. i argued he could put me in second grade for math... but he misused his authority to refuse... i was desperate because the third grade rabbi hit... and i had enuf hits from the first grade rabbi so i bluffed, "i know a donor of the school if he heard you refused to let me explain myself he would stop donating." the rabbi ignored my bluff walking away... until i said the NAME.
he spun! "last chance" i bluffed "he would be glad to hear an excuse to stop donating here, if he heard my math explanation and that you were too stubborn to be a teacher en kapdan mlamed" a jewish source that a teacher must not be stubborn in action.
money talked! we returned to his office and he said explain. i said try from twelve candies eating three. he wrote nine. i argued "you skipd a step twelve has 2 ones and you must borrow from the tens" he argued "no 12-3 is simply 9" i argued "you dont know ones and tens try 24-5" he said 19. i said write he argued no writing... he saw i was correct but would not admit it... i mentioned the donors name again "mr donor will understand you realized i was right and stop donating."
then he wrote kuz money talks more than words. he wrote on the paper 24-5=19
i argued "you skipped a step if you skip a step in math you lose points explain why you crossed the two. "i took from the tens" as i had taught the principal rabbi. i demanded "explain why you needed to take from the tens" finally he conceded "because you cant take five from four" THAT is what i said you just said what i said. he shook his head. "mr x will be delighted to hear YOU are pre-third grade, not fit principal, HAHA" i faked a laf.
"you dont know negative numbers" he hissed as he signed the paper to accept me to the school. "the school will teach it to me or put me in second grade math" the rabbi fled.
so i entered the school that had less physical violence. the hypocrit put me in third grade... by the way we did not need negative numbers that year we did multiplication all year.
so the first day i was the NEW kid at school. i entered the building and asked the office which classroom was third grade. instead of a number the secratary argued say your name. so i obeyed she checked a list and said "go to the third grade class room" what an idiot!!
i repeated what room number is that?
finally she revealed the answer "upstairs room 301"
i walked upstairs and enterd the empty classroom. i considered sitting by the door but then all the brats would pass me as they entered i would be a target same as in the previous school.
so i walked to the far row of desks and sat second from the edge. i waited for the other brats to enter... we need to be in class before the teacher but i sat alone with empty desks. the brats were outside in the sunny september of new york in the 1980's i hid from the sun and did not know anybody i was the new kid.
i opened my ring binder to a lined paper and took a pen out. i didnot know which book to open so i sat bored waiting. finally a kid came in. looked around the room at the rows of desks... walked to the back of the room to a corner desk... then changed his mind and sat beside me. i knew class would start soon so i didnot talk to him. he opende his rich "trapper" binder. the one safer for fingers than my poor snapping ring. you know? the one with sliding plastic curves that grip the paper instead of a spring ring that can drop papers when spring gets old or snap quickly on my fingers. yikes each snap.
we sat silently beside each other he knew which book to open but i did not copy him.
finally teacher entered... third followed by a stream of brats.
she said we need to write math rules. i responded thinking that is stupid math is numbers.
she began telling us to write math ideas in words specifying without numbers. 2x4=8, 2x5=10 this seemd stupid i looked at my nebbir his second row had pairs of tiny marks. i did not know what they were but if he used them so could i. starting my third line i put " the way he did... not knowing the meaning between the numbers... as the sentences grew longer this was more profitable than i predicted!
mrs. teacher walked around the room and saw his rows of " and frowned. she knew those marks and did not complain... until she saw my page... i had written words on the second line so she challenged me "what are thos marks" i bluffed "surely you know teacher". "you dont know so you should not use them" she separated me from my nebbir. i dared not argue... class continued repeating the boring blurr of pattern day after day of teaching stuff... the only memories were recess.
the first day recess i was the new kid so i walked outside and searched for my class mates. i did not see them anywhere because i did not yet know there was a basketball place in grade 3. i wondered around watching younger kids chase each other in tag... none were from my class. finally i found three brats who i recognized they were sitting and talking about tv. i listened and did not know the tv series my parents did not let me watch tv. i did not understand the parts of the story they were laughing about... the logic seemed stupid if they already knew the story of the show both had seen then what was the point of telling each about the show that they both already knew... i listened but could not understand the story they were telling nor reffering to so i went back to the classroom.
i opened a scienc ebook and searched the list of topics for something interesting... no no no yes. i opened to a chapter that attracted ne and started reading to fill the time... i struggled to understand the strange sentences and words and figured out many new sentences... somehow. the words that i failed i listed on my paper... i couldnot stop or else i would have nothing to do so i read more. when the list of words reache around 8 new words i surrendered... i went to another classroom to see if older kids could explain the words... i found that when my class had recess break... several classes were studying that seemed mean not giving them a recess break?
i peakedin the tall narrow glass window of each wood door... full classrooms... with a teacher i could not interrupt to ask... finally i reached a room with three brats i guessed fifth graders... i did not notice if the number was labelled on the door?
i went to the group and asked if they had a dictionary. they lafd and one said "we are boys obviously we have dik-tionaries" they al gigled at the double meaning but i was too young to know what a dick was. i replied but i DONT have a dick-shinary" spacing the syllables to pretend i knew the joke. the burst out laffing hilariously and i tried to smile... "he doesnt have a dictionary" two echoed as they lafd their way out of the room. the one who stayed said i could use his book but only for a few minutes. i showed him my list and searched his thin dictionary. i found a word and wrote its meaning then i dearched another word but didnot find it. i asked him what it meant and he lied he didd not know and looked in the dictionary and saw it was not there. "its not an important word if its not in the dictionary" he claimed. but i wanted to know so i would understand the book i was trying to read.
i found the third word and wrote it until he said "enuf". it was his book so i returned it. he asked which classroom i was in i said "301" like 3o1 the way i heard the secretary say it. he argued "do you mean 301" yes i agreed for that was the number on the door. he argued "WRONG" the three is the third floor not three hundred. now get lost shrimp." i went back to my book and tried to read the strange words... util the bell rand and the brats returned and teh teacher taught as we sat in rows of desks which later changed to a curve along the walls instead of rows.
the second morning i entered the classroom and we started with orayers... apparenty i had missed prayers the first day?
all the brats were facing the same wall i did not yet know why? and reading the prayers same as in the previous school we read in hebrew no teacher watching until the older kid from "yesterday" entered my classroom to llok for me. "follow me i wanna show you something"--i argued "i have to read the prayers" then he asked "are you sure about that? what source?" gasp a new method of thinking. the book of prayers itself was not enough. so i followed him out of the room and we walked along hallways to the jewish libary. he opened to a certain page and showed me the relevant qoutation i read the hebrew guessing the words. he asked "what do YOU see" i responded "i dont know some of the words?" he argued "start withe the ones you know" i sounded the letters "hai man dbai lmehevi hasida" i paused and guessed "like hassid?" he nodded so i continued "ykayim" i translated "fulfill" he corrected me "do" i continued "mili dbrakot" i added "i only know the word braka" he argued that is the only word you need you see for yourself in the book not kuz i said so who fufills blessings? "i answered "a hassid". he asked "do you WANT to be a hassid?"--"no" then not obligated to fulfill saying blessings. "i asked you mean like praising the wise rooster?" "yes and for studying tora and the standing prayer." i argued the standing is so important to say that we need to stand? he explained "baruk" one word was enogh proof it was blessings in the same category.
i asked what would he do instead? he said "i need someone to play checkers against me. and since you are a word nerd [that rhymed] i want you to do a project with me."
so from then on i obeyed tradition and stopped SINNING the sin of "unnecesary blessings" which is truly a sin if not required... and we played checkers in a secret place.
he had a list to start the game a different start each day and he challenged me to write a list of two letter words that start with a.
obviously he won checkers but at least he did not cheat. some days he won quickly, then he said write the words you knwo then he added new words for example
a, a.c. a.d. ah am an as at aw ax
he said ac and ad are not words but i missed ab and ad and more so each day i could use his dictionary at recess to learn but only if i focusd on the short words not all the random words.
so that was my first step away from human rabbis and toward the jewish tradition to know blessings such as prayers were not obligation for everybody and obeying it. instead i played checkers. when time ended before he won we would count the peices and he would write the total and we would start a new game with different beginning based on the list day afer day different games.
another memory was when the peer pressure to "show me yours".
three brats asked me if i was "ashamed" of my privates. as expected i said "not ashamed" they argued "good if so show it". i did not want to be different so i argued "you dont show yours" one guy argued that is because we ARE ashamed but if you arent show it. the logic was flawless but i did not want to be different. you wear clothing because you are ashamed but if not ashamed then dont cover? you dont need to cover but also not a cause to uncover?
the pressure repeated day after day... one kid reminded me that he had seen it anyway "remember when we played mummy?" that opened a memory of two brats wrapping me like a mummy yes they had seen it then... they argued "we saw it anyway only he didnt so make him equal". that was a cause to do it... i said "you convinced me but not today".
one brat said people pay for peep shows we will each give you a coin and you will have 3 if yakou show. i argued "peep" is for dirty people i cant take money for that.
they gave up until the next week. a new strategy. a kid had a foam bowl from home they had poured dry oat inside and wanted me to add the fluid from urine. i argued then nobody can eat it. they argued it would be an expirement to see if a pet would eat it but they were ashamed to show their privates and since i was not ashamed i should provid ethe urine for the sake of the experiment. that was cause to do it so i agreed to give in the toilet room. they said but if so he isnot equal.
so went to a corner of the yard and while the brats watched i gave some urine... i did not know where this would lead... luckily it was the corner of a yard! i could not stop after filling the bowl and continued onto the paved yard. they mixed the oat so it absorbed the liquid then we went and gave it to the pet who knew not to eat it. experiment success... and they had peeped.
the third kid enjoyed seeing it and wanted to see more. he begged me to let him see again. i argued "you know not to show yours so i am the same" he argued "at least trade snacks" he had a bag of salty corn chip snack and offered to give me some if i gave him from mine but my snack was only fruit that is not fun that is kuz you need to eat fruit. then he went to the original plan. "if you dont have snack to trade i will share my snack if you show me again".
i agreed. i got some snack and he looked in a secret place he found. the next day i asked for more snack for a deal and he said the secret place is used all week we only went on sunday.
the next sunday he gave me snack pay per view. sweet candy. the third week i asked for candy but he said "it was boring just hanging no deal" i did not know where this would lead.
i offered to give him nice chills in exchange for his fun snack so he agreed i preseed his neck and he jumped away "you are makin my tube hard" he protested and fled... no more snack but a year later we would have fun in fourth grade with stories that i cannot write about because they involve private male tubes. the end of that. another brat started giving me his choclat. i would say mean words to him and he said if i hate him i should take some shared choclit. i argued that he should not reward me for being mean nor pay me to stop." he argued it was to build friendship and indirectly i would stop because i was his friend. soon i felt bad saying mean things. to the one who shared his choclit. when i stoped saying mean words he continued sharing for friendship "see he proved not so you will stop you already stopped from the start it was not a bribe". i imagined if i gave candy to a bully he would take it and continue hitting pushing on the ground. i felt different because i was just less human than most humans. the end.
my first MAJOR step away from rabbis occurd in grade 3. despite in earlier grades i also "stopped" praying that was a step toward the rabbis... as i will contrast in endnote kuz now about grade 3.
i had argued with the school principal to accept me into the school. he had asked me an "entrance exam" question about negative numbers. i knew math and argued "taking more than what you have is impossible." he argued you cant enter the school if you dont know enuf math. i argued he could put me in second grade for math... but he misused his authority to refuse... i was desperate because the third grade rabbi hit... and i had enuf hits from the first grade rabbi so i bluffed, "i know a donor of the school if he heard you refused to let me explain myself he would stop donating." the rabbi ignored my bluff walking away... until i said the NAME.
he spun! "last chance" i bluffed "he would be glad to hear an excuse to stop donating here, if he heard my math explanation and that you were too stubborn to be a teacher en kapdan mlamed" a jewish source that a teacher must not be stubborn in action.
money talked! we returned to his office and he said explain. i said try from twelve candies eating three. he wrote nine. i argued "you skipd a step twelve has 2 ones and you must borrow from the tens" he argued "no 12-3 is simply 9" i argued "you dont know ones and tens try 24-5" he said 19. i said write he argued no writing... he saw i was correct but would not admit it... i mentioned the donors name again "mr donor will understand you realized i was right and stop donating."
then he wrote kuz money talks more than words. he wrote on the paper 24-5=19
i argued "you skipped a step if you skip a step in math you lose points explain why you crossed the two. "i took from the tens" as i had taught the principal rabbi. i demanded "explain why you needed to take from the tens" finally he conceded "because you cant take five from four" THAT is what i said you just said what i said. he shook his head. "mr x will be delighted to hear YOU are pre-third grade, not fit principal, HAHA" i faked a laf.
"you dont know negative numbers" he hissed as he signed the paper to accept me to the school. "the school will teach it to me or put me in second grade math" the rabbi fled.
so i entered the school that had less physical violence. the hypocrit put me in third grade... by the way we did not need negative numbers that year we did multiplication all year.
so the first day i was the NEW kid at school. i entered the building and asked the office which classroom was third grade. instead of a number the secratary argued say your name. so i obeyed she checked a list and said "go to the third grade class room" what an idiot!!
i repeated what room number is that?
finally she revealed the answer "upstairs room 301"
i walked upstairs and enterd the empty classroom. i considered sitting by the door but then all the brats would pass me as they entered i would be a target same as in the previous school.
so i walked to the far row of desks and sat second from the edge. i waited for the other brats to enter... we need to be in class before the teacher but i sat alone with empty desks. the brats were outside in the sunny september of new york in the 1980's i hid from the sun and did not know anybody i was the new kid.
i opened my ring binder to a lined paper and took a pen out. i didnot know which book to open so i sat bored waiting. finally a kid came in. looked around the room at the rows of desks... walked to the back of the room to a corner desk... then changed his mind and sat beside me. i knew class would start soon so i didnot talk to him. he opende his rich "trapper" binder. the one safer for fingers than my poor snapping ring. you know? the one with sliding plastic curves that grip the paper instead of a spring ring that can drop papers when spring gets old or snap quickly on my fingers. yikes each snap.
we sat silently beside each other he knew which book to open but i did not copy him.
finally teacher entered... third followed by a stream of brats.
she said we need to write math rules. i responded thinking that is stupid math is numbers.
she began telling us to write math ideas in words specifying without numbers. 2x4=8, 2x5=10 this seemd stupid i looked at my nebbir his second row had pairs of tiny marks. i did not know what they were but if he used them so could i. starting my third line i put " the way he did... not knowing the meaning between the numbers... as the sentences grew longer this was more profitable than i predicted!
mrs. teacher walked around the room and saw his rows of " and frowned. she knew those marks and did not complain... until she saw my page... i had written words on the second line so she challenged me "what are thos marks" i bluffed "surely you know teacher". "you dont know so you should not use them" she separated me from my nebbir. i dared not argue... class continued repeating the boring blurr of pattern day after day of teaching stuff... the only memories were recess.
the first day recess i was the new kid so i walked outside and searched for my class mates. i did not see them anywhere because i did not yet know there was a basketball place in grade 3. i wondered around watching younger kids chase each other in tag... none were from my class. finally i found three brats who i recognized they were sitting and talking about tv. i listened and did not know the tv series my parents did not let me watch tv. i did not understand the parts of the story they were laughing about... the logic seemed stupid if they already knew the story of the show both had seen then what was the point of telling each about the show that they both already knew... i listened but could not understand the story they were telling nor reffering to so i went back to the classroom.
i opened a scienc ebook and searched the list of topics for something interesting... no no no yes. i opened to a chapter that attracted ne and started reading to fill the time... i struggled to understand the strange sentences and words and figured out many new sentences... somehow. the words that i failed i listed on my paper... i couldnot stop or else i would have nothing to do so i read more. when the list of words reache around 8 new words i surrendered... i went to another classroom to see if older kids could explain the words... i found that when my class had recess break... several classes were studying that seemed mean not giving them a recess break?
i peakedin the tall narrow glass window of each wood door... full classrooms... with a teacher i could not interrupt to ask... finally i reached a room with three brats i guessed fifth graders... i did not notice if the number was labelled on the door?
i went to the group and asked if they had a dictionary. they lafd and one said "we are boys obviously we have dik-tionaries" they al gigled at the double meaning but i was too young to know what a dick was. i replied but i DONT have a dick-shinary" spacing the syllables to pretend i knew the joke. the burst out laffing hilariously and i tried to smile... "he doesnt have a dictionary" two echoed as they lafd their way out of the room. the one who stayed said i could use his book but only for a few minutes. i showed him my list and searched his thin dictionary. i found a word and wrote its meaning then i dearched another word but didnot find it. i asked him what it meant and he lied he didd not know and looked in the dictionary and saw it was not there. "its not an important word if its not in the dictionary" he claimed. but i wanted to know so i would understand the book i was trying to read.
i found the third word and wrote it until he said "enuf". it was his book so i returned it. he asked which classroom i was in i said "301" like 3o1 the way i heard the secretary say it. he argued "do you mean 301" yes i agreed for that was the number on the door. he argued "WRONG" the three is the third floor not three hundred. now get lost shrimp." i went back to my book and tried to read the strange words... util the bell rand and the brats returned and teh teacher taught as we sat in rows of desks which later changed to a curve along the walls instead of rows.
the second morning i entered the classroom and we started with orayers... apparenty i had missed prayers the first day?
all the brats were facing the same wall i did not yet know why? and reading the prayers same as in the previous school we read in hebrew no teacher watching until the older kid from "yesterday" entered my classroom to llok for me. "follow me i wanna show you something"--i argued "i have to read the prayers" then he asked "are you sure about that? what source?" gasp a new method of thinking. the book of prayers itself was not enough. so i followed him out of the room and we walked along hallways to the jewish libary. he opened to a certain page and showed me the relevant qoutation i read the hebrew guessing the words. he asked "what do YOU see" i responded "i dont know some of the words?" he argued "start withe the ones you know" i sounded the letters "hai man dbai lmehevi hasida" i paused and guessed "like hassid?" he nodded so i continued "ykayim" i translated "fulfill" he corrected me "do" i continued "mili dbrakot" i added "i only know the word braka" he argued that is the only word you need you see for yourself in the book not kuz i said so who fufills blessings? "i answered "a hassid". he asked "do you WANT to be a hassid?"--"no" then not obligated to fulfill saying blessings. "i asked you mean like praising the wise rooster?" "yes and for studying tora and the standing prayer." i argued the standing is so important to say that we need to stand? he explained "baruk" one word was enogh proof it was blessings in the same category.
i asked what would he do instead? he said "i need someone to play checkers against me. and since you are a word nerd [that rhymed] i want you to do a project with me."
so from then on i obeyed tradition and stopped SINNING the sin of "unnecesary blessings" which is truly a sin if not required... and we played checkers in a secret place.
he had a list to start the game a different start each day and he challenged me to write a list of two letter words that start with a.
obviously he won checkers but at least he did not cheat. some days he won quickly, then he said write the words you knwo then he added new words for example
a, a.c. a.d. ah am an as at aw ax
he said ac and ad are not words but i missed ab and ad and more so each day i could use his dictionary at recess to learn but only if i focusd on the short words not all the random words.
so that was my first step away from human rabbis and toward the jewish tradition to know blessings such as prayers were not obligation for everybody and obeying it. instead i played checkers. when time ended before he won we would count the peices and he would write the total and we would start a new game with different beginning based on the list day afer day different games.
another memory was when the peer pressure to "show me yours".
three brats asked me if i was "ashamed" of my privates. as expected i said "not ashamed" they argued "good if so show it". i did not want to be different so i argued "you dont show yours" one guy argued that is because we ARE ashamed but if you arent show it. the logic was flawless but i did not want to be different. you wear clothing because you are ashamed but if not ashamed then dont cover? you dont need to cover but also not a cause to uncover?
the pressure repeated day after day... one kid reminded me that he had seen it anyway "remember when we played mummy?" that opened a memory of two brats wrapping me like a mummy yes they had seen it then... they argued "we saw it anyway only he didnt so make him equal". that was a cause to do it... i said "you convinced me but not today".
one brat said people pay for peep shows we will each give you a coin and you will have 3 if yakou show. i argued "peep" is for dirty people i cant take money for that.
they gave up until the next week. a new strategy. a kid had a foam bowl from home they had poured dry oat inside and wanted me to add the fluid from urine. i argued then nobody can eat it. they argued it would be an expirement to see if a pet would eat it but they were ashamed to show their privates and since i was not ashamed i should provid ethe urine for the sake of the experiment. that was cause to do it so i agreed to give in the toilet room. they said but if so he isnot equal.
so went to a corner of the yard and while the brats watched i gave some urine... i did not know where this would lead... luckily it was the corner of a yard! i could not stop after filling the bowl and continued onto the paved yard. they mixed the oat so it absorbed the liquid then we went and gave it to the pet who knew not to eat it. experiment success... and they had peeped.
the third kid enjoyed seeing it and wanted to see more. he begged me to let him see again. i argued "you know not to show yours so i am the same" he argued "at least trade snacks" he had a bag of salty corn chip snack and offered to give me some if i gave him from mine but my snack was only fruit that is not fun that is kuz you need to eat fruit. then he went to the original plan. "if you dont have snack to trade i will share my snack if you show me again".
i agreed. i got some snack and he looked in a secret place he found. the next day i asked for more snack for a deal and he said the secret place is used all week we only went on sunday.
the next sunday he gave me snack pay per view. sweet candy. the third week i asked for candy but he said "it was boring just hanging no deal" i did not know where this would lead.
i offered to give him nice chills in exchange for his fun snack so he agreed i preseed his neck and he jumped away "you are makin my tube hard" he protested and fled... no more snack but a year later we would have fun in fourth grade with stories that i cannot write about because they involve private male tubes. the end of that. another brat started giving me his choclat. i would say mean words to him and he said if i hate him i should take some shared choclit. i argued that he should not reward me for being mean nor pay me to stop." he argued it was to build friendship and indirectly i would stop because i was his friend. soon i felt bad saying mean things. to the one who shared his choclit. when i stoped saying mean words he continued sharing for friendship "see he proved not so you will stop you already stopped from the start it was not a bribe". i imagined if i gave candy to a bully he would take it and continue hitting pushing on the ground. i felt different because i was just less human than most humans. the end.
endnote: in first grade i noticed that i did not understand the hebrew words we had been chanting since preschool i decided to STO saying words that i do not comprehend and only pretended to read until second grade. that was for respect of prayers not to mindlessly chant sounds. then in grade two i convinced my parents to buy a book of prayer with translation tragicly the english was rare words and did not help and soon the brats told the rabbi i was reading at a slower pace so he stole the book and refused to return it until the end of the school year so i would not know the meaning of the words. then in third grade i learnt most was "optional" not obligation as explained.
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