dear diary recess

recess
my parents chose a jew school for me when i was a kid. before first grade i went to "pre-first" i did not know that other kids that age did not sit at desks in rows but we sat the same as first grade. we read when i was age four in america, many tens of pages in hebrew until a student taut me that i did not need to read the parts with the word "baruk" bless. as I will tell in a story about my childhood in orthodox skool
the rabbi would read to us hebrew from the hebrew bible and we would repeat. then after a long time we could relax during recess.
all the brats pourd out from the classroom. i followed to the paved area behind the building in new york. the brats okay boys starting playing "tag" meaning one needed to chase the others and if succeeded to touch him then the one touched needed to chase the others. i wanted to be included but the chaser ignored the new kid. i called loudly to cause the chaser to notice but he only chased others.
so i also chased but when i tuched a brat he said that does not count kuz he is the chaser not you. so i saw i was not included and stood on side but as the chaser came near me i had an idea i touched him and said now i am the chaser. the chaser said you are not playing. i said i touched you so now i am the chaser so i chased the other kids and easily caut one who only ran from the authentic chaser. when i touched his arm he said "you are not playing with us. stop ruining the game." another kid not named juda ran to me and yeld stop riuining our game and pushed me to the ground which was more effort pushing than a hit. of cource a punch has force but falling on ground has more force that evil hit.
so i understand the ease finding supporters to enroll in nazi was very easy not hard to find supporters.
after i saw i was rejected from the jew brats game and i had botherd to test both the chaser, several chasers  who usualy complained he did not want to chase, yet did not transfer the job to me,  and the others and they all agreed to reject me i went to older kids. i went to the classroom of fifth grade. they had recess at same time but most of them sat fat in the classroom not moving it matched that they were all fat. the boys were curious my name which part of new york i came from. then they acted silly saying stupid childish fifth grade stuff. so i left. but one fifth grader not named david followd me and asked why i was alone. i told him i tried to play witth my age but they did not want to be with me include me and one even pushed me to ground. i knew that if a brat dared to push then he knew no teacher was watching. i lookd around at the neglect kids runnin on paved area and no adult to separate fighters or even to know quickly if a brat was injured. i lookd around no adult.
he promised that he would include me in his running game but for now he gave me a mission. and promised a reward. he gave me his dictionary which he would not use until after school, and said search for the meaning of the words like he she etc. i did not understand so he said i should lead him to my room and he would write a list. he wrote the words for people he she you etc. and said if i wrote the meanings he would give me sweet red licorice and other sweets. so i started using the dictionary til the bell rang and the rabbi returnd to teach us. i continued my effort to push out the rabbis words from the first minutes of the first day when the rabbi talked dodging the issues of my question so i know never to trust rabbis and could not trust his explanations nor story.
i heard something about the sun and could not resist. i read the section about the sun and saw it was made after trees. i had already read a different book that said the sun was much older than planet earth so i knew not to accept the story of the bible. i continued my effort to block out the words of the bible and of the rabbi.
the next recess was lunch so i ate the food i brout from home kuz private school did not serve food. i knew not to try to play with brast my age so continued using dictionary when i finished the short list
i meant the person writing or speaking. like david or juda could both say the same word i about themselves the person talking.
you the person near the speaker. he the male far and her the female far and teh resst of the list i brutthe list to the fifth grade room.
this ti ethe brats were less frendly kuz already new my name. so they shouted get out you dont belong with older group you are too little i asked for david so david came and gave me a sweet red candy cld licorice likrish that is long soft and sweet. he gave me another list and said that i could use the dictionary for fun by looking at the darkest words and seeing which oes interested me not reading every wrd but the ones that interested me would be fun.
i tred and he was right first i learnd the words on list he prepared which were th emost common words "of for the" and then when i finished writing the emaning i started from page one searching for the first word page after age until the first word one letter a meaning one or something shaped like the letter a. i understood that a certain food was made shaped like letters so each one was that letter.
i did not yet know the meaning of the word one but i did know that the word "a" meant one like "a pen".
i did not read every word but choosing the words that interested me was fun kuz i did not need to and the pages have hundreds of words to choose from... so that is how i wasnot bored in recess. at the end of school time i left the class riom and david was by my door for his book back. he said tmoro he would give me a gift seeing that i actualy used it.
the next school day as usual the fat lady drove her car to my home. the seat beside her had some magazines with shiny pictures. a small boy sat beside me in the "back" of the very clean car. the carpets were clean and smooth and the fabric of the seat felt soft and smooth and clen. i tryd to be frends with the boy who sat beside me but he was too shy and just shriugd looking out window. she drove us as a job kuz neother of us was her son. me pa did not drive me to school kuz he was a dentist in new york city. he had to go to the doctor ofice every morning and fix peoples teeth. he saw many people who did not clean their teeth and had big problems so he forbade me anything sweet with sugar.
my snacks were cut vejdables suc as juicy pepper or sliced orinj carrots but no fruit kuz sugar harmd teeth and he saw the harm.
my ma went to a different skool a public skool where she was a teacher for basic math. in the evening when she returned from skool after watching the kids punished in detention, she told me that she saw much violence in the public school and that the police were in the building to be calld immediately if kids fout.
when i tryd to tell her  brat pushed me, at first she would not believe me kuz she sent me to private skool where the kids were not violent, for saving me from hits. but when i repeated that a brat not named juda pushed me down, then instead of admitting private skools have violence and that she was wrong she said "i am sure you deserved it." as if pushing somebody to ground is correct. i lied that i also pushed kids and she shouted "never push anybody" i replied using her words,  "only when they deserve it" she said never ever use volence, it is bad and wrong to push people no excuse... do you see a double standard? that i am different and the bitch defended my attacker. i said if no excuse to push what abot the kid who pushed me but she still defended the attacker he was correct to push me kuz i deserved it. similarly the following year when i begd her to save me from the cruel rabbi who hit me she refused to save me and abandond me to the physical pain. back to pre-first when i was gae 4, i said "if i were bigger i would push you." so she strted yelling at me and sent me to bed.
anyway the next morning i rode quietly in a spacious clean car. just me and one boy in the back seat.
i went to skool and read prayers as usual. many pages almost a hundred pages in hebrew. calling the hebrew words loud. the rabbi was not watching so david enterd and gave me a gift my own dictionary book. he whisered dont use "webster" that is stupid use this one. it was something with a c. i cant remember.
each recess i would not run but sat in the room getting fat. i would read the list that david prepared learn his words write the meaning and then continue reading the dictionary. he invited me to his home for a sleep over so i told him his parents needed to call my parents.
that same day a lady came to my classroom and said come to the office. by phone my ma told me i should go with david and sleep at his home. i didnot think about th lady driver.
when school ended i went with david to the "el" the elevated train in new york. we rode to a a park and played tag. since he was older his legs were longer and he easily outran me but h eknew o make it fun he would stand and dodge me as i neard not running constantly. after around half hour of running we went to his house. he loved the baseball team mets. so we talked about that we argued about toothbrushes slept and in the mornng ate small pizzas with sweet unch that made me feel gross they dont go together. we rode the train to skool.
the next day at recess he had the list prepared and so eacg day i learn four or five words from list and when i finished the hundred most common words, he led me to a pzza shop after skool and bout me a slice of pizza as a prize. but long from finished now i must learn the other nine hundred of the most frequently used thousand words.
so that is how my recess was not boring.
my parents learnt to trust this kid. many days after skool i would go with him to run for half hour but in november already dark so i watched cartoon on television, which dave taut me meant "far see" i dont need to be near the actors, until returnd to my home to sleep.
but in november he had a different plan. david knew no truant officers on sunday kuz only private skool sunday so in november he enterd me room on sunday morning as we read prayers unsupervised and said lets leave. we rode the train to a park and ran in snow. nobody blamed us for being away from skool kuz sunday we ran and lafd and had fun for a long time. finally he led me to train so i returnd to skool. for the last half hour of class but we did not enter. we were at teh correct place when the fat lady came to drive me and the shy kid home. but i felt guilty about prayers on sunday so he explained that the jew tradition wrote in detail that "whoever wants" to be a hassid should do the things about brakot meaning blessings so truly has word want and whoever not everybody must so not everybody but instead those "people who want"  not "every" person is obligated. so i said what about the parts not blessing. he said that he would chekc for me.
later he explaind that only the blessings were in the original mishna of the rabbis for example the blessing with "hear israel one god" but other stuff, the ninety other pages, even the rabbis in generation of mishna, did not bother reading was not important for them but those blessings as above were defined by later rabbis "whoever wants" and that depends on "wanting" to be a hasssid so not everybody wants to be a hassid. the blessings which as tradition itself said depended on wanting so person who wanted but not everybody wants to be a hassid category. so we could choose not to be hassid and skip prayers and go run in the park fun chasing and then taklking about sports and cartoons and magazines and many topics. anyway i did not understand the hebrew prayers until much older.so that is how i had my recess. reading dictionary during break and only running sunday or when april came we ran around after school almost every day. some nights i slept at his home and sometimes he gave me money for a train and we rode the train to my home in new york city. my parents they were happy that they did not need to be home when i finished skool they could go to restarants or other adult stuff kuz i was busy with my only frend at the time. david. kus the kids my age were brats. did i mention? the only reason david was not a brat kuz his dad died and he was orfin living with ma who i almost never saw nor talkd with.
yes my parents made effort for me to meet kids my age but they used the rules to trick me and then during the game changed the rules for their benefit so they could win and i felt sad not just that they lied but those jew brats treated me differently. so i refused to go to the jewish brats. and my parents forbade me to be frends with those christians who burnd jews in inquisition... i did not know that protestants did not do propganda and even catholics only burnt the liars who pretended to convert to christianity but lied but at first they expeld jews not killing them fro being jews as my parents lied.
luckily my parents let me ride the train with david and sometimes i slept at his home and ate sweet "cereal" for breakfast some chocolate flavor or fruit flavor or cinamin flavor in a variety fo shapes all with milk and all as dave told me with special enriched flour meaing vitamis, so we new yorkers would win other cites and countrys at sports. sweets that my pa the dentist woulda punished me for eating. enuf for today.
now time to read about the art in the 1500 with strange shapes in the drawings of sky, preserving that people saw flying objects in the century called 1500 or sixteenth century.