dear diary youth

1 first day in pre-school
most days in preschool were the same repetition but there were a few unique moments that stand out
for example the first day-- mostly boring but unique-- i must have been ALMOST 3 years old. pa was at his job so ma escorted me to the first day  we walked up the steps and i was surprised by the shiny railing it was so shiny i had never seen metal like that. and then i had to meet the children.
i was feeling special about the shiny railing that was the feeling it was shiny and smooth and rouned like a shiny pipe.
not feeling scare of the new place nor crying that i do not want to be there. later i would complain about school but not that day.
i met a really nice girl there. at nap-time i felt that my pillow was scratchy and this young girl offered to trade pillows so i was so impressed.
then there was the brat who grabbed one of my things and threw it out the window. there was the day i watched water- which we all know falls as rain climbed UP the inside of celery... wow but most of the days were same repetitive. i learned how to read english and hebrew and also heard bible stories.
ah the first time i realized i was shy.
i do not remember if there were many days of exercise in bathing-suits but just one day when i felt shy.
i was too shy to change into a bathing suit... everyone else had changed but i was too shy expalining i do not want the girls to see me in bathing pants.
now lets get exciting.
2 my first day at religious school.
many kids are age six in first grade but i would notice later i was the youngest in my class. as i entered "pre-first" a fancy name for preschool [i must have been ALMOST 4th birthday in 1979] the teacher gave us 2 religious books to read from. but WHAT were those books? i did not have the words to ask that i did not undersatand "who decided the things printed in them? who chose the contents and why those contents?
i asked the religious teacher what is the bible? he refused to give any description. is it stories to teach a lesson? is it scientific fact? he wouldnot say either way... first graders cannot EVALUATE "god said to moses" how would you check if that was true or not....
how about a great interesting topic which people refuse to write about.
did you know young boys have "erection" even before they are sexualy mature?
at around age 9 i would put on pjamas and brush my teeth and as soon as i lay in bed  like a "pop-up" book the male finger pointed up. why? i did not understand but i did feel the urge to squeeze and "press back on the pressure.
my nature was "the wife must sit on top during coitus" but somehow i knew that the man must be on top.... at age nine?
so boring how about the day  i tried to seduce an older sister.? no names.
i told her that i can "stay hard" longer than boys her age  AND with no risk of pregnancy...
she ran out of the room in horror and i am shocked i knew that stuff so young but i did stay hard very long and much longer than my own abilities later in life...
eventually one night she heard me rolling around in bed. i did not know this would be a change in direction.
the following evening she brought a friend over to "do homework and sleep over". as usual i was on my back "pressing back" on the pressure... when i heard a sound by my door a froze but it was too late she had heard me awake and crawled on the floor to my metal bed. she whispered my name "tal" and i asked who is that... i thought it was my sister [fixed in editing] but the voice was different. she said a girls name which i do not recall. [i thought it was my sister but ignored the idea of incest]. the girl whispered i should extend my hand so i did she pushed my hand on her shirt covering a spongy soft breast. and explained this is called a boob. then she said i accept your offer [convincing me she was the sister whom i had tried to seduce- despite the different voice i thought due to whispering]  i said lets try this so she climbed into my metal bed...
**beside me
then she suggested that her body was bigger so i should be on top but i insisted i enjoyed on my back more. she whispered that she was scared to touch so first we explored each other i felt under her long shirt-gown... her legs which she had not shaved  and had long hairs far apart and continued up to where a boys male finger would be and i felt... only smooth stomach. i moved my fingers in small circles around her stomach back towards the legs and felt smooth stomach lower and lower until she sighed! wow i was good!
finally i found the place which i like to call "the man-hole' which matures from a small hole not a man hole until around age 18 when she grows... enuf...
at around 18  the hole is big enuf to finally be the size of a manhole when the teenager grows. her skin was very smooth and no hair in contrast to her legs and hips.
i felt soft skin and finally after discovering girls had no holes in the "front" tried between legs and found more smooth skin and a soft smooth slot. no hairs there.
i froze not sure what to do. she said "its okay put your finger in so i inserted my finger and felt around the inside was moist like the inside of a mouth and i could slide my finger all aroundd the inside then she asked if i was ready to insert my "rekshin" so i responded i wanted her to sit on it. in the dark room with only a bit of light from window she slid her hand along my shirt down to the pants and asked why pants on? i said the "rekshin' is already up and out.
her hand slid nearer to the flap of the pajama and indeed found it was up and ready. she rolled over from beside me apparently sitting on her knees and lowered herself onto the rekshin. then she slowly slid up and down and i lost track of time soon she was moving very fast and finally i felt a pinch from her inside and she sighed again.
next she rolled to the side and handed me a towel while she toweled herself dry.
my sister brought many friends to do homework but whomever... perhaps several had pleasure. it was so good "she" came back often. i enjoyed it because i was rubbing anyway and she must have enjoyed it because she came almost every week. until my parents said i would move to a dormitory.
NO WAY  that i would lose this pleasure i intentionally failed my entrance exam to have another year at home with "her" at night was it my sister? or one of her "horny" friends or probably and more plausibly several. so now you know why i argued with the rabbi and wasnot accepted in 8 grade until 9 grade... [the neighbor on saturday in the next post.]
another interesting story is one boy named raymond [fake] he slept over on a weekend and said he could hypnotize me. i asked "if you could hypnotize me what would you do? he said he would tell me to uncover my genitals. so i lied that "i do not want you to see it but try to hypnotize me and see if you succeed"
after three minutes staring into his eyes ray asked me to uncover genitals and with experience "behind me" with at least one girl i wasnot shy. i did and as soon as that thing felt air "pop-up" book style and he did something really unique he pushed the male finger forward and it sprung back like a spring and vibrated that was amazing feelings... if he was an adult that would be considered a crime but he was my age. i guess he felt guilty and confessed to his parents and they never let him sleep at my house after that. but i had "her" almost every week from around age 8 "et" years until i moved to a dormitory school and...
met an older girl who said "you are cute" perhaps next episode.