intro: to show the need for abridging, i show a sample of my attempt to adjust the great story of alice in wonderland to a "modern english alice wonderland" note: i already published my abridged version. it differed from other abridged. the need for abridging was due to the slow start of too much thinking instead of actions or conversations. now i tried to adjust this great story using modern verbs. from code 28 in the version titled under ground. the text of my attempt for comparison: Alice felt very bored of sitting. She sat by her sister by a riverbank. Alice peeked into the book that her sister was reading and saw that it had only words but no pictures nor conversations. Alice thought, "and what good is a book, without pictures or conversations?"
when she was considering if the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the effort of picking the daisies, suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
NOTE: even this has too much "filling page" with nothing happening, not even the necessary conversation by his own definition, therefore must abridge thinking and replace it with details around his good ideas.
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alice under ground, 2023 abridged by n.t.
ONE; On a hot day, by a river,
Al was sitting by her sister.
Alice saw that the book, that her sister was reading, had only words but no pictures nor conversations. She thought, "what good is a book without pictures or conversations?" Alice asked her sister, "And what can i do?"
"You can make a daisy chain". Her sister had long blond hair, a long pale face and blue eyes. she wore a long crimson dress with roses colored rose on her chest. it modestly covered her elbows. Alice, who also had long blond hair, had taken off her navy blue hair ribbon. She was wearing a wine colored dress. Her eye color was the same as your eyes. Al smelled her sister's sweet perfume. She heard the sounds of animals in the farm and from sheep wearing bells and from their sheperd.
When she was considering whether or not the pleasure of making a daisy chain was worth the effort of picking the daisies, a white rabbit with pink eyes ran nearby. She heard the rabbit say to itself "Oh no! I will be late!" it wore a turquoise shirt covered by a sapphire waistcoat with teal and scarlet lines like a net. its indigo pants were almost the same shade as the sky. it took a golden watch out of its waistcoat pocket, looked at the time, and hastily ran. Alice felt surprised that a rabbit had a waistcoat pocket and even a watch to take out of it. she hurriedly followed it, full of curiosity, across the green grass and down a large rabbit hole.
She crawled along this tunnel, wondering what would happen next, until suddenly, she was falling down. First, she looked down, but due to the dark, she could not see anything. She knew she was falling very slowly, as she passed pictures that hung on pegs in the brick sides of the well. she noticed book-shelves and cupboards. As she fell, she took a jar from one of the shelves. its label had glowing orange letters that said "Orange Jam." However, through the glass she saw that it had never been filled. As she fell she put it into one of the brown wood cupboards. she started singing and falling faster so she heard the woosh of air. She fell a long time so she knew the well must have been very deep.
Down, down, down. She fell for such a long time that she started trying to dance while falling! (Imagine trying to dance in the air!) She sang many songs. She thought she must be near the center of the earth, or beyond it! she wondered if she would fall through the earth to come out on the other side.
when she was considering if the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the effort of picking the daisies, suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
NOTE: even this has too much "filling page" with nothing happening, not even the necessary conversation by his own definition, therefore must abridge thinking and replace it with details around his good ideas.
___
alice under ground, 2023 abridged by n.t.
ONE; On a hot day, by a river,
Al was sitting by her sister.
Alice saw that the book, that her sister was reading, had only words but no pictures nor conversations. She thought, "what good is a book without pictures or conversations?" Alice asked her sister, "And what can i do?"
"You can make a daisy chain". Her sister had long blond hair, a long pale face and blue eyes. she wore a long crimson dress with roses colored rose on her chest. it modestly covered her elbows. Alice, who also had long blond hair, had taken off her navy blue hair ribbon. She was wearing a wine colored dress. Her eye color was the same as your eyes. Al smelled her sister's sweet perfume. She heard the sounds of animals in the farm and from sheep wearing bells and from their sheperd.
When she was considering whether or not the pleasure of making a daisy chain was worth the effort of picking the daisies, a white rabbit with pink eyes ran nearby. She heard the rabbit say to itself "Oh no! I will be late!" it wore a turquoise shirt covered by a sapphire waistcoat with teal and scarlet lines like a net. its indigo pants were almost the same shade as the sky. it took a golden watch out of its waistcoat pocket, looked at the time, and hastily ran. Alice felt surprised that a rabbit had a waistcoat pocket and even a watch to take out of it. she hurriedly followed it, full of curiosity, across the green grass and down a large rabbit hole.
She crawled along this tunnel, wondering what would happen next, until suddenly, she was falling down. First, she looked down, but due to the dark, she could not see anything. She knew she was falling very slowly, as she passed pictures that hung on pegs in the brick sides of the well. she noticed book-shelves and cupboards. As she fell, she took a jar from one of the shelves. its label had glowing orange letters that said "Orange Jam." However, through the glass she saw that it had never been filled. As she fell she put it into one of the brown wood cupboards. she started singing and falling faster so she heard the woosh of air. She fell a long time so she knew the well must have been very deep.
Down, down, down. She fell for such a long time that she started trying to dance while falling! (Imagine trying to dance in the air!) She sang many songs. She thought she must be near the center of the earth, or beyond it! she wondered if she would fall through the earth to come out on the other side.
Down, down, down. She remembered her beloved cat named dina until suddenly she landed on a large leaf pile. she again began running hastily...
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