dear diary, dilation day

dilating
dear diary age 16
intro:
recently i heard a woman mention that her ovulation is painful. apparently the egg pushes open a tube and she can feel it.
that reminded me of when i felt my tube dilation which people told me is "impossible. people cant feel their inside." truth is that a new pressure can be felt.... monthly.
so here is my diary entry from age 16
on a cold winter morning like any other i awoke earlier than the skool skedule. my alarm beapd at 7:15 and my rom mates moaned. i quickly switched it off. and rushed to drain the waste water that kidneys had filterd. i jogged along the hallway with faith that sin to delay draining waste. as written in jewish talmud.
i arrived first before anyone and the waste poured out into the drain in the wall. aah. that felt a relief. not exaactly pleasure but relief.
i washed my hands for cleanliness and for ceremony. i jogged back to bed. and hid under the blanket. then the music blared to wake all the students for the skool skedule that started every day with reading many pages of prayers. one room mate said "get outa bed lazy" and i said "your lazy i was up before you". he repeated his argument so i ignored him. the two badgered me together that i must dress... why? were they jealous that i had drained before them? that give me an idea "you must drain your urine without delay". they knew i was right and ran along the corridor to stand in line... ninety 90 brats and only 3 drains... better to drain into the snow.
finally the music stopped and as usual my visitor came. his cold hand brushed my cheek. as usual i raised the blanket and he climbed up into the bed and we warmed each other on the cold morning. his hand found my hodo and slid inside the convenient slit for eaasy drainage. he wrapped his hand around the hodo male finger and pressed. as usual i whisperd that feels nice.  as the pressure of inflating grew the pressure grew and that felt nice. my hand went to his robe. as usual his male finger was a soft long tube. this time his other hand brushed away my hand, he whispered "way too cold". but his cold hands added to my pleasure. i told him he could warm his second hand on the male bag. he turnd on his side and as his hand touched it i jumpd... he said sorry, you said. i said try again. the colness felt good. we lay like that for a while until his hands were warm. then his watch beepd and we went to pretend we were reading prayers.
then a short class. the rabbi read and explained a few phrases from book jeremia. then we went to the brekfast hall.
as usual dry flakes. i coulda ate HOT but i was scared of that unidentifiable mush called porridge. what was inside? how much butter sugar and who knows what else?
i rememberd that coffee tasted bitter. no hot coffee. the last time i tried to drink hot water to warm up it had a non-water taste. gross. so dry flakes again.
then back thru the snow to study. this semester too, the other students refused to be my study partner. so i listend to a recording of the rabbis lesson. in a classroom.
s usual sitting alone in the classroom my male finger inflated same as every day without any thoughts of ess ee eks nor lady. but today something felt different. i felt like TWO sides of a tube deep in the inner center core of my lower thorax were pushed apart like di-lating. the pressure of the inflating male finger was more intense than usual. the pressure pushing out... i knew the blood was pushing the skin to stretch ike inflating a balloon... was much more than usual. i had to press back... my hand rushed to press the skin back... as my mind reminded me "dont even touch, sin to squeeze out male milk, sin to even touch"  but i had no control. my hand grabbed the bulge and squeezed. the pressure subsuded and conciojusness returned. my hand jumped away. i switched off teh recorder and walked around the skool campus in the snow. another  brat saw me and said "lets skip class".
great. we went to the building dormitory and he showed me a room that had no sheets on the beds. he askd me if i ever heard the phrase "go fuk yourself". i said no but that it seemd to me imppossible. he burst out laffing. he started telling me the story that his parents hit him all the time over stupid mistakes. i told him "you did not hit anyne hence you dont deserv to get hit" he waved his hand, signaling me not to interrupt and talked about his violent parents.
as i heard his story the tubes inside around six centimeters below the skin di-lated and separated.
the blood rushed again to my male finger and i stopped hearing his words. i lost control of my hands and they rushed to squeeze back the ressure of the inflating male finger. as the pressure balance i realized that he saw me squeezing my pants and jumped my hand aside. he continued to talk about his parents not commenting that he saw me squeeze the privat male finger. but soon the pressure became so great i could not keep my hands away a started gasping i struggled for control... i cant do this in front of him while he is watching.
finally i could struggle no more and my hands squeezed my male finger again despite knowing he saw. i was gasping for air in the internal struggle.
the boy same age as me. walked to the bed where i sat with my back leaning on the wall.
he said "this looks like your frst time". i could not speak as i struggled for control of my hands but had no control. "he smiled and said "dont fight it. the sperm will come on no matter what". now i did not know yet that the number of chromosomes in male sperm is far from the amount in a healthy human and that the male seed alone is not a seedd to grow the baby. but he was correct that the male seed does drip out of healthy males at night so no point in struggling. i stopped struggling and simply squeezd.
"jeez you do it wrong". i was just obeying instinct but he had more yearrs of experience. he said he would bring a towel and left the room. i knew that until now even when i rubbed no male milk exited so no need for a towel. i was too dry inside. or... was that the milk pushing through the newly dilated tubes? probably. i continued the counter pressure until he brought the towel. he spread it over my pants and said "heres what you do" i obeyed so the towel coverd my privates and the towel was wrapped over and under the male finger between the finger and the pants then i gripped the towel and rubbed along the inflated male finger. the towel felt like sand paper. i could only squeeze. this prompted the boy not named jimmy to protest "just rub".
i did not know what to say. "you cant try to be super holy like that because every day your body bulds more sperm." he said exasperated. he reached his hand into the fold of the towel and gripped the hodo. that was less pleasure than the kid i felt comfy with, for several years in the morning.
jimmy jumped his hand away and said "you have something very wrong with your been-iss. your skin is stretched too tight all around. i better get some hand lotion."
now i felt the male milk rising up the tube of the male finger itself i barely gasped out "already finished" as i pulled on the finger and for the first time in my life thick white porridge very hot poured into the towel like a stream of porridge. yes that was the secret ingredient in the bekfast porridge... i imagined. at first the stream was just a long hot stream like urine but after a short time pulses of milk came out into the towel. the towel did not hold enough and the white stained my black pants.
that was gross. and wait... the orgasm is sposed to be the most intense pleasure. but at no moment did i feel any pleasure. just a hot stream of porridge.
at least i knew to use hand cream to make the skin stretchy. i didd not know that only circumcised males need cream and lubricant for intercourse coitus. i was not even aware of the consquences and harms of circumcision losing skin. how could someone "agree" before knowing the options and consequences.
the relijis interpretation not to cut or to cut.
that evening i met my partner for the usual early shower. i warned him that i started moving sperm. "cool" he responded in excited tone. "its about time and i wanna watch". but something was wrong again. as he spread soap along the male finger same as usual the feeling was not pleasure but like sliding along a senseless rock. he made a ring with his finger and tugged at the end of the male finger. but the usual pleasure was gone too. i suggested "instead of a ring just press the sides. i pressed the sides of his soft tube that hang down "see like this". so he obeyed and slid along the sides like stripes. after a short time the male finger went soft like his. the teen not named aron cussed "i wanted to see". he left the shower and the next morning did not visit me as usual. for a week he was mad so angry that he did not visit. i didnot know the time of inspection so after waiting for him to vist in the morning i went to pray and saw he was already in the prayer place. i was sad that i made him angry but i had no control.
but HEAVEN provided the alternative.
that saturday around 4 days after the first milking my male finger stopped its "strike" of softness. the temptation was so strong that i could not even read the study book.
so i left the building and left the college campus. i wondered around the snowy park until i saw two girls with long hair playing in the snow.
the older girl called to me hey you are cute... as written in another diary entry.
the girls led me to their home where i drank hot cocoa and was invited to come sunday morning when her lil sister would be at skool and her parents at their jobs she taught me about condooms and other useful stuff. we had pleasant visits around twice a week for many years.
also the teen named aron stopped being angry at me and we continued our visits dawn and night. and he finally got to see the fountain of milk. many times. the meeting with the young lady became focussed only on her urge for coitus. she would ddrink wine and i woul drink the "hard" stuff one cup cola with one cup rum. it did not "inhibit" anything at our age. that pleasant relationship started precisely the week i needed it and continued for a couple years until she went to college. never from the back exit... that can only be cleaned outside not inside.
one more cool fact. certain weeks there was an additional warmth that addd pleasure i realized that the day before the blood drips out the inside of a lady is extra warm and i requested her to keep track and tell me which day was the day before the pattern so i could enjoy that extra pleasure of warmth each month.
so who would i tell such a story to? o whom? not my parents... nor hers gasp. they would strangle me despite her consent... so i hide her naame and tell the story to my diary.