diary 15

diary--at a surprisingly young age i discovered that i was different from other same aged-boys. other boys hated sexual contact but i was different. this fact is important because touching young boys in a sexual manner is not only very annoying but a severe crime which a healthy person does not even think about nor consider doing and if they think of it they must stop themselves from this crime.
the surprise first came at around age 9 but first i will tell the later more recent story without the "gross" parts.
around age 15 i was in the boy-only dorm of a relijis school and fate arranged a certain roommate.
i would sleep at night in a room with two other boys. 3 beds were in each room. 6 wide drawers and six short drawers for clothes were divided evenly 2 of each per student. well at age 15 in the autum just after my 15 birthday around year 1990 i met my 2 new roommates.
i would discover later that we each came from different cities around america. so i arrived from the airport in a shared van with my suitcase full of winter sweaters. already in autum there was snow on the grass.
i entered the dorm and walked to the office. the office was open in contrast to the previous "quarter" wen the list of room assignments was hanging from the door. so i entered the office and asked the agent for my room assignment. the man with a black beard chekd the list until finding my name and informed me that he had assigned me to room number 292 not actual number.
then i lifted and lugged my lug-gage up the steps to the room number that identify which room. i arrived to an empty room so i switched on the light. i saw the 3 beds with the old mattresses. the old pillows lay on the mattresses. i chose the nearest bed to the door. i pulled a sheet from my luggij and then climbed to the furthest corner of the mattress in the rooms corner. tukd the sheet around and under the old mattress. next i covered the pillow with a pillowcase that i had brought and lay it on the sheet. next i spred the sheet to all sides and tucked under the 2 adjacent corners. finally i climbed off the bed and stetched the sheet to the final fourth corner. i had claimed my bed. next to claim drawers.
this "quarter" was actually a session like a semester lasting 21 weeks yes less than 150 days around 5 months from the last day of october called haloween which we ignored, until end of march. really a semester not a quarter. there were 3 sessions the first session of the school year was in summer for 6 weeks than a brek for 3 weeks. next session was the semester of 148 days. exactly 21 weeks. followed by spring brek for 4 weeks. last a session the spring session 11 weeks. less than a "quareter year" as you know a qurter is 13 weeks. anyway this sememster i had a unique problem. the drawers nearest the door which seemed most apt for the bed near the door were OCCUPIED so not empty. should i empty it? or just take a different drawer?
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i knew it is VERY urgent never to touch items not mine. so i chose other drawers. first i found an empty drawer then hung my pants and suits in the closet. americans call the closet for hanging "closet" nt wardrobe in contrast to brits like the famous book "lion withc and wardrobe". next i moved my sweaters to the wider drawers and briefs to an empty short drawer. i only needed one of each type of drawer.
next i left the room and went to the storage room to recover my blanket which i had stored in a storage warehouse. i found it and brought it and other items such as soap and more back to the room. no roommates had arrived so i lay down on the sheet aand waited for them to come. finally a boy came. i would soon discover that his name was "meir" not real name but this name pronunciation "mayor". he rolled a swollen heavy suitcase on its wheels through the doorway. then totally inconsiderate that he shared the room he stopped the suitcase still in the doorway. what if the third came? i thought selflessly. but i also knew VERY urgent not to criticise others for bad decisions. insted wen 3 came he would complain to clear the doorway. i did not need to go out of the room.
meir did not see me. the open door blocked his view of my bed nearest to the door. he unzipped his luggage in the doorway and opened the shortest drawer nearest the door. the one i had wanted and had found occupied.
he loudly blurted out "dam" the word for the wall that holds back water. we were taught never to cuss. next he said loudly "gross" as he moved the clothing from the drawer to the top surface of the drawer-furniture i called a "dresser" but truly a chest called "chest of drawers" its flat top was under a bookshelf.
there were no bedside tables, nor bookcase only 3 simple chairs by a desk beside the dresser.
meir pulled the clothes from the drawr and then loaded his clothing into the drawer. when is was full he pulled the next drawer also occupied and this time meir cussed. i judged him as a bad person... but knew VERY urgent not to criticise. he pulled out all the stuff from the drawer... until he stopped frozen i could not see but he held a pack of cigarettes hidden inside a pile of underpants wherre the hider assimed nobody would insert their hand.
the pack went back in the drawer for later and then his clothes piled up. having filled 2 low drawers nearest the door he now pulled one wider drawer. it was empty because i had chosen a floor drawer. meir stuffed a puffy quilt into the drawer and despite the width still the it was too mmuch for the drawer.
now i spoke "hi my name is barak" not real name. meir spun in horror. HOLY SH-I-IPS meir gasped loudly as he peaked around the open door. his eyes wide in surprise frozen. so i repeated. and added what is your name. " my name is mayor and i am from chicago" not real location. i asked "meir which bed do you choose." he stared at me and said "i want the bed near the door." i argued that "from here you need to walk AROUND THE DOOR so you would be nearer the door from the middle bed." meir made a face and said "i guess you are right." after a pause he added: "and your already soiled that bed so i will put my quilt on the middle bed. now meir did something gross he yanked his quilt- the one which would cover his neck directly, directly on the old mattress. i stifled the gross feeling. as i imagined the old mattress transferring something who knows what to the quilt and then to his neck and even face.
suddenly a canadian boy squeezed past the luggage in the doorway and said hello my name is "joy" not real name. immediately he asked which drwers were available. so meir showed him he took some and then they opened the other drawers to find the enpty ones. they all unpacked and the canadaina one set up an alarm clock. meir said in a strainj vois like nervousness "why do you use an alarm clock?" joy explained he did not like the music payed to wake everybody so he would awake ten minutes earlier and escape from the bad music. also he gained ten extra minutes t omeditate in prayer. this would be significant.
i liked the idea of of meditating before prayer so i said when you awaken wake me too. so that was the plan.
joy and meir finished unpacking and organizing clothes in silence as i lay lazy in bed.
then meir said we can play a card game 21 called black jack until suopper.
i was very bored by this simple game and felt no excitement. but joy and meir seemed to enjoy the game so i continued as part of the group. after losing several times meir said " i am real impressed that you are dignified" so i replied it is because we are not gambloing for money.
meir said "i offer you a deal i will give you a can of cola if you massage my neck for a full minute". joy interrupted "gross" but i guess canadian culture is different i did not feel anything wrong. what he did with the bare naked mattress was gross but necks are fine. so i agreed he closed his eyes set a timer on his watch and i rubbed his neck a he directed higher lower and which side. we played more 21 until supper time and walked together from the dorm to the dinner hall. meir bought 2 cans of cola and gave me one as he jad offered. he said we should study as partners. that dinner was hodo and beans in tomato saus. we stoofd in line together. joy complained "no buns" but meir suggested we wrap bread around the long red hodos.
we each took a tray and the older students lay 2 hodo per person on the tray. then we passed to the bean pot where another student dumped a ladle of bean in saus into the other section of the tray. last was fruit sposedly healthy in a separate section of the tray.
then we all took bread to wrap the red hodo. meir askd where is kejup and mustird and the staff said "none".
the hodo was very saalty for me so i was happy with meir idea to wrap it in bred. i enjoyed the tatse of the beans in soause. meir joked beans make us all fart... joy interrupted GROSS but meir continued so we will all fart addig as he turned to joy even you so lets not make a fuss we will all fart tonite.
sounded good to me.
then we went to study hall and i sat to study alone because i understood without a partenr but not for long.
aa rabbi led a boy and introdiced him to me. he said "yuda is new and he hs trouble understanding so help him study the hebrew text" so we studied ancient law discussions for an hour and then prayed the traditional jewish orthodox prayers as reading. after prayers i looked for joy to see if he would walk with me to the dorm. i found him reading a small book. i interrupted and said "we should walk bak to teh dorm together joy answered after a read one page of ethics. i agreed to wait so he read and translated and this book seemed interesting to me about practicaal ethics and character traits. [much later i would discover it was the jewish reply to pauls ethical letters in new testament] so we read one page and walked to the dorm. then we all prepared for showers. joy climbed under his blanket and there undressed. then sat up and pulled his robe over his arms and as he stoodd the robe covered everything. meir was more liberal. he pulled off everything. his white shirt his relijis rectangle fabric and also undershirt and stood bare chested. joy shook his hed and murmurred to himself quietly "americans". meir continued pulling off his pants before cvering with a robe. i was betwenn these extremes i pealed off layers until the under-shirt. then i put on the robe and slipped off pants. we all walked to gether to the showers and there were many shower rooms. each had a door for privacy. and almost all 14 stalls were empty. so we each entered a stall and locked the door with a slideing bar for privacy to finish undressing. the water was blessedly hot. and i used soap and shampoo as usual in in that culture. wen i was done i put on the robe. alone. i exited the stall and they had finished before me yet waited talking and we walked back to our room together. i noticed joy wore pjama pants under hs robe. what an extremist i judged as we walked together. bkuz the robe cobvered everything. i imagined liberal meir was like me naked under his robe. i was surprised at the thought !! and that i had thought of the fact at all. i felt the syrprise at this new novel thought. and then my male finger began to swell. now i saw joy decision benefit because in a robe an erect finger will pop out from the robe. i ran ahead to the room and pulled on pjamas to cover my extended man finger.
joy read from a card special prayers before sleep. meir pointed out that is not truly required but i wanted the new experience. we swiched off the light and lay silently for sleep to come. my mind was tired from the studying and i barely noticded the ispection wen the ollder monitor or guide checkd that our light was off and that we were all silent. like curfew but not army force just to prepare for the morning.
in the morning i had a surprise. i awoke to pressure on my leg. the pressure woke me. once conciousness returned i felt the urj to empty the urine that had gathered all night. i was surprised to see crouching beside my bed was my room mate meir. somehow he had awoken erly wih no alarm clok. his hand was on my leg between my knee and the bump in my pjamas common for male teens when they awaken called "morning wood". his eyes were level with the bump as he stared at my bump in pajamas. oddly i was torn by feelings that awkward he was staring at my covered privates yet it was covered and oddly i felt emotional pleasure that somebody enjoyed my body. i lay still and for what fely long time meir crouched silently gazing at the bump. finally i could wait no more. i needed to drain the waste water. so i rolled over. meir rolled too on the floor under my bed i lowered my feet to the floor and walked to the common toilet room to drain. as i walked to the toilet room i recalled that in the past the short walk to the toilet caused a problem i would reach the toilet with the pipe pointing up so i could not aim in the toilet down. but this room had wall urinals and the walk to the toilet along the corridor caused the male finger to rest. by the time i arrived at the room my male finger was soft. i could point the pipe down. meir was behind me and while i emptied the pipes of yellow waste he brushed his teeth with paste. wen i finished i went to the sin to wash my hands and he said "when everyone else prays we can shower together" i agreed curious what he had in mind. i would discover that he had a sense of gay-radar like gadar and knew i was llike him. but that fateful morning i had no idea. so we returned to tthe room and lay in sepearet beds. soon at 7.00 joys watch beepd and he awoke and dressed UNDER his blanket then he woke me and said lets go together. i said go ahead i will dress. and gathered my clothes and lay NDER the blanket. joy left. minutes later music blared from speakers sounds barely music i did not like the melody. i heard the many students hurrying to the toilet and rushing in the hal;ls. but mir and i stayed under our covers. he was clearly liberal i was cutious what he intended?
we stayed in bed until around 7.30. then we climbed out from the blanket and i asked what he planned. meir explained that everynbody else would be reading many many pages of prayers. he wanted to watch me shower. so i said "only if you wear briefs". meir had a wet suit reddy. we walked together in the empty silent corridor. all teh students had left to go read prayers as the shcool required. the music stopped. we entered the stall together and i closed the door. and slid the lock. his hands were n the red belt of my black robe. he gazed into my eyes as he loosened the belt and reveaed my briefs and undershirt. his hands slipped off the blak robe and he hung it on the hook of the door, then he slid his hands between my chest and arms and slid down the sides of my undershirt then i was surprised that the contact made me want se x considering he was merely touching my ribs. the bump grew in my briefs and i gazed into his eyes guessing he would look down same as he had gazed at my bump while he thout i was still slleeeping yet his eyes gazed straight in mine. his hands reached the end of the shirt and
rolled it upwards pulling the shirt over my hed. back netween my ribs and arms. his hands sid down the sides reaching the band of my briefs. he pulled the band toward himself like forward over the extended male finger and slowly moved liek a crouch as he lowered the briefs to the floor. i almosy kicked him in the face with my knee as i bent to step out of the briefs. then he removed his robe his chest was bare and he had some hair on his chest in contrast to my smoth baby chest.
i looked down predicting he certainly had a bulj in his briefs that was the pleasur of watching me must have been yet to my surprise his yellow fabric bathing suit lay as smooth hanging as a woman wearing loose shorts. i was shocked in surprise that he enjoyed this in any manner besides se-ks. he pulled a bottle of liquid soap from his robe and began rubbing soap on my neck and shoulders. like i had rubbed his shoulders yeserday. my male finger was so swollen extended like i had never felt before so much pressure pushing out i felt the urj to squeese back the pressure yet i felt shy that he would see me touch themale finher.
i expected him to have a bulge seeing me like that. yet the opposite he had no bulge and instead the opposit ei felt an emotional pleasure that he enjoyed seeing me like that. he stood behind me and leaned his fabric against the side of my waist since he was taller i could feel a soft tube like a hot dog pressed against my waist. he whispered i pretend we are the same body. as his hands slid forward over my shoulders and down my chest towards my extende male finger. a healthy teen age boy wouldd likely have spurt male milk at that point even before contact called premature ejac. yet i was not yet physically mature yet. his hand reached my extended male finger and he sighed wih [leasure as his hand reached it and his fingers slid along the finger as he pretetnded it was his own. as his finger slid along the extende finger the plesure was so great i lost concsiousness and did not know where i was. we were like one body and i lost trak oftime as his finger slid soapy along the ,ale finger much gentler than my instinct to squeeze myself which is the wrong manner of self satsfaction. no boy should squeeze hard when rubbing.
we stood like thta his bare taller chest leaning forward against my shoulders and yellow fabric prssed againt my hip. his hands sliding many times slowly repeatedly along the finger. for a long time i lost trak of time and place until a watch beepd. and he stopped. we quikly dressed and he said i must go first so we do not exit together.
i completed his body which was not doing the expected responses. i ran to the room quilklu dressd and ran to the prayer hall. i knew at that age the rayers were not truly oblgated so i oly read one paragraph. i had arrived in time as the rabbi passed me on his wat out of the prayer hall to inspect that nobody slept in the dorm. as the rabbi left from one door meir entered from a different door. after prayer reading we went to the lecture to study ancient hebre texts and ate brekfast. i ate dry o shaped "cereal" many small o-s. afterward i returnedto the study hall where meir offered me a minty candy. i said i dont want but he said please for your breath so i sucked the candy. he read the ancient hebrew text and translated and we argued about the different possible meanings for an hour and then listened to alectire of the many commentaries arguing about the discussion.
almost every morning this repeated.
except one weekend when i met a girl off campus as reported in a different diary entry.
now we are ready for the nine year old story.